As of this week, we have entered the new education life. I hope this new period will be beneficial and productive for everyone.
It is not easy to start a fast-paced period after a long summer holiday. It is necessary to adapt to work and school life as soon as possible. Maybe small motivations, short-term and long-term plans, goals can be warm-up exercises for adaptation.
September, the month of innovation and beginnings, is also the month when education life begins. Some are just starting this month, some are starting all over again...
I wanted to mention a few points that I have observed recently.
Families, especially mothers, are responsible for their children's waking up in the morning, homework and nutrition. I see that they are quite busy with problems such as these, and we can even say that some of them are in trouble.
As our children need us greatly when they are babies, their needs and dependency on us decrease as they grow each year. When he is born, he can meet his needs to eat, drink, dress, calm down when he cries, need to go to the toilet and many other needs thanks to his caregiver; From the age of 2, they gain new skills and responsibilities every year and become more independent. More precisely, this is the healthy state that should be and is expected. When the opposite happens, we see blockages, problems and even psychopathology.
School age is a time when children wake up on their own, get ready, prepare their meals, do their homework, go to the grocery store, go to the stationery store, carry keys, etc. It is a golden age that teaches skills such as programming leisure time. The school period not only prepares the child for academic life, but also for daily life and life.
Saying "As long as my child studies and doesn't do anything else" is a wrong attitude.
Children need to be supported during this period. Of course, you will not spare your support and compassion in the newly acquired skills. But you will not undertake what we expect them to gain. Doing his homework, packing his bag, tidying his room and waking him up in the morning, etc. Tasks such as these are not your responsibility, but are responsibilities that the child will perform under your supervision.
Your children who have just passed from play age to school age should be approached with a supportive, encouraging and accepting attitude, in a guiding and modeling manner. For example, for a child who does not yet have the ability to wake up early in the morning on his own, you can buy an alarm clock and set it together in the evening. Of course, you should explain why this alarm clock is needed and what it will do. “Let's buy you an alarm clock so that you can wake up more easily in the morning, so that you can wake up on time and get to school… Maybe this may be difficult for you at first, but you will see that it will get easier over time. I will help you anyway. Don't worry... We will be able to understand that you are growing and developing from here. I find it very important to make statements such as "You are growing up now and you will start to do more things on your own... I am sure this process will be very enjoyable for all of us."
In this way, parents, especially mothers, who take on the responsibility of their children, are saved from being, in the eyes of their children, those who subconsciously wake them up every morning, tear them out of their warm beds, get angry, sullen or shout.
Of course, mothers will also set the clock and get up, but they will also enter their rooms to check on their children who have been warned by the alarm, have woken up and started their day, and to say good morning to them. There is a lot of difference between these two. In one case, the responsibility belongs entirely to the mother and there is struggle with the child and a conflict between authority and power; In the other, the responsibility belongs to the child and there is a mother's attitude that supports, guides, cares and shows concern.
When teaching children a new skill, be sure to introduce this skill. Show and explain what needs to be done. Then guide and help the child to succeed. (in the alarm clock example, yes, it's your turn to set the clock..., let's see, tomorrow you will try to get out of bed alone... etc.) Finally, when you encourage the child with positive expressions, you will see that the skill has been acquired. (such as "it's done, you can wake up on your own now, I'm proud of you…, you're getting bigger every day, I knew you could do it…")
All these dialogues should be done in order not to break the children's trust and to be supportive. Care should be taken to ensure that it takes place in a sincere, natural and sincere manner. Artificial expressions and exaggerated discourses should be avoided.
Each responsibility given to children according to their age and development will strengthen them and contribute positively to their self-confidence.
Another issue I would like to mention is that some parents complain a lot while schools are opening.
“Oh, school is starting! What are we going to do? Again, expressions such as a lot of homework…, waking up early in the morning is torture…, and he doesn't eat anything for breakfast anyway….
Parents who make such statements should definitely remember their own school years. School, lesson, teacher, etc. It should be kept in mind that it may be triggering parents' own childhood traumas.
“Is Anxiety Contagious?” I also mentioned it in my article. Sometimes, as parents, we infect our children with our own anxieties. It is a very frightening situation for a child who is just starting school and has no idea about school, and as the child is exposed to such discourse, he will automatically experience anxiety and fear.
Of course, it must be difficult for you to live with unpleasant memories of the past. In such a case, I recommend that you go through the psychotherapy process individually.
Another issue that may cause parents to complain may be that they have not taken the responsibilities their child should have until this period and have raised a child who is dependent on them. It is also possible to think of this as the child not feeling ready for school and not making any preparations for it until now. Such as finding the child emotionally, socially, physically or academically inadequate for the transition from play age to school age.
When such a situation occurs, it is necessary to identify the problem as soon as possible and act accordingly. You can ask for help from the child's teacher, the school's guidance service, or, if necessary, a child psychotherapist, to identify the problem and guide you.
With each passing day, the gap will grow, which will make compensation difficult.
With love and health…
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