Is it always a problem for a man to be very fond of his mother even though he is an adult?
Being too fond of the mother is not always a problem, on the contrary, men who have strong ties to their mother and family have the impression that they will also be attached to their lover/wife. gives. Being fond of the mother becomes a problem when it causes emotional strains in that man's life, compulsions in his behavior, and deterioration in other relationships. Is it normal for her to call her mother every day and take every decision by asking her? It is a situation that overshadows a person's life, who cannot stop looking for his mother, gets restless and makes it a duty to call him every day. There is a difference between asking for advice in consultation and not being able to make decisions independently of the mother. It can be thought that men who, as adults, have difficulty in making decisions in their lives without asking their mother, have a separation problem. The need for mother's approval is shaped by the mother relationship, where he can receive love only when he is a "good boy", and it is constantly tried to be satisfied as a learned behavior.
Why do some men stay between their mother and their spouse/lover? Why can't they manage this process in a healthy way?
The establishment of healthy relationships by adults is based on a secure attachment style that starts from infancy and even in the womb. A healthy and secure separation can only be possible with the existence of relationships in which they feel safe. We can think that men who are between their mothers and their spouses/lovers have anxious attachment styles and have difficulty in determining their own relational boundaries.
How should the spouse/lover who is in such a situation behave? approaching always leaves the other side on the defensive. In the in between, not only women but also men have difficulties and this section should be underlined. It may be functional for men who are trying to please both sides in their lives, who are stuck and who experience the great tiredness of not being able to please anyone, to realize that this situation needs to be overcome for themselves first.
Can men with mother addiction get better or are they hopeless cases?
It is as if the umbilical cord of men who have a dependent relationship with their mother has not been cut yet. It is possible to cut this umbilical cord safely and in a healthy way. Do you know the mother behind this situation? The effort to make you happy and happy should not be overlooked. Men who are dependent on their mothers and whose freedom is restricted do this for subconscious reasons. In addition to this situation, the father figure also plays a very important role. The father figure, which the child is extremely afraid of or missing in his life, can also cause too much closeness or even attachment to the mother. These factors, which may negatively affect adult life and relationships during childhood, are situations where it is possible to work and change with the psychotherapy process in line with the person's request.
In this context, what should we pay attention to when raising boys?
Starting from pregnancy It is important to feel and feel that your baby is wanted and loved. During childhood, the mother-child relationship should be based on unconditional acceptance and love, and the mother should not use her absence as a punishment element. Children copy the way they relate to their mother to all other relationships in their life. As a mother, the reflection of personal problems to the child and forcing him to share his troubles lead the child to strive to make his mother happy and satisfied all the time. Experiencing this in childhood subconsciously encodes the type of relationship and the roles that the child will take in relationships. If the mother is unhappy, the child is also unhappy, and great efforts begin at a young age to change this. He produces solutions such as doing everything he says to make the mother happy, never making any objections, always being silent, being angry and reactive towards the father, and takes on the role of "savior". Giving a child more emotional burdens than they can carry should be avoided. It should be ensured that the father is also in communication without forgetting that he has an impact on the development of the child. Spending time with the father should be considered important, and a healthy relationship should be established without fear. Both the need for bonding and the need for separation should be carefully supported in order for the mother and all other relationships to be connected rather than dependent.
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