Lack of self-confidence is a situation we all encounter frequently. Many parents complain that their children are too passive and afraid to talk to others, and some teachers say that some of their students are afraid to raise their hands in class. Different factors lie behind all these processes.
So what are these factors? Let's see what happens when children cannot develop their self-confidence skills.
Before reading this article, I would like you to think about what you do as a parent or as an educator to improve the self-confidence of the children around you.
Termically, self-confidence. It is the positive perception of one's self-worth, self-respect and self-liking. Lack of self-confidence begins to emerge when a person develops a view of himself as worthless, unworthy of respect, and dissatisfied with his own abilities and appearance.
So, what happens when a person develops such a negative perception of himself?
The answer to this question is based on the first period of the child's birth. When the child cannot establish a secure attachment with his mother, the first negative feelings begin to develop, not intellectually but emotionally. When the baby's needs are not met when he needs it, when eye contact is not established with the mother, and when the baby does not receive love and affection from his mother, the walls of lack of self-confidence begin to build.
Another factor that continues to negatively affect this process is an overly critical and anxious-inconsistent mother. -fatherly attitude. After a while, the child who is constantly criticized begins to perceive himself as an incompetent, useless person who does everything wrong. In the case of anxious and inconsistent parental attitudes, the child cannot develop himself or open up to the outside world due to the constantly anxious behavior of the family, and cannot make and implement healthy decisions due to the family's constant change of attitude. The family environment with constantly conflicting parents is another important factor. In such an environment, the child may not feel safe. He may develop an accusatory mindset towards himself, thinking that his parents are fighting because of him. The fact that a child is subjected to violence is a situation that completely destroys the child's sense of self and worth. This situation is the child's own It causes him/her to perceive his/her job as worthless, useless, and always causing trouble. The issue that causes lack of self-confidence, especially at school, is the child's inability to receive parental support in the face of academic difficulties. For example, if a child who does not understand a subject in mathematics and takes homework from this subject does not receive support from family members at home, he may perceive himself as inadequate, helpless and useless, and therefore may hold himself back further in the school environment. Judging children, especially in pre-school age, with expressions such as sin, shame, God will smite you, within the framework of the belief system that their families are involved in, will also support the child's lack of self-confidence, which will contribute to the deterioration of his self-perception. Society and media are also important factors. Social judgments, discrimination and comparisons within the society, the media's drawing of an ideal person profile, especially for children in adolescence, and the fact that children cannot accept themselves while trying to reach this profile, cause them to perceive themselves as deficient, incompetent, incompatible and out of society.
All the factors I mentioned above negatively affect children's family, education and social life, as well as their inner world, by disrupting their perception of self, self-worth, self-respect and self-liking.
How can we improve children's self-confidence when the situation is so important? ? I can almost hear your questions.
First of all, a secure attachment must be established between the mother and the baby during the first infancy. The baby should be able to get the love, attention and care he needs from his mother. When children begin to learn and discover new things, these behaviors should not be prevented. Parents should help children when they need help on a topic that the child has discovered or just learned. Children should be given motivational rewards for what they achieve. However, this reward must be reasonable. Motivational phrases such as "Well done, Bravo, you are great" should be used after successes.
Besides all these, you should be a good role model. If you, as a parent, feel that you lack self-confidence, remember that you have children who copy you exactly, so your child may lack self-confidence. There may be behavioral models behind them that they have learned from you.
Do not criticize your children unfairly. Explain your criticisms.
Focus on what your children can do rather than what they cannot do. Help them develop these aspects by directing them to areas where they are successful.
Make your children feel that you are open to communication. Make them feel safe about getting help from you.
Do not bring up their academic failures by judging and labeling them. So instead of labeling it with words like you are lazy, you are stupid, what was missing in this regard?, What do you think we need to be more successful? Make them realize their shortcomings with questions such as these and motivate them to correct these shortcomings.
Do not give disproportionate punishments for the mistakes they have made. If possible, do not give any punishment. Discuss the negative behavior and its consequences. Make him/her feel that you are always there for him/her and support him/her.
Spend time with your children, make them feel that they are valuable and that you care about them.
Respect your child and his/her boundaries. Ask permission when you enter his personal space. This will help him develop his sense of self-esteem.
And most importantly, show your love to your children, this will make them perceive themselves as someone who is accepted and deserves to be loved.
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