We have been married for four years, but although I love him, I feel that I am having difficulties in our relationship. He acts selfishly most of the time. What I feel or think doesn't seem to mean anything to him. When I brought this issue up to him; “Can't I do what I want in this short life of mine?” I am faced with the question: When I suggest going to a therapist and getting help, he flatly refuses. According to him, it might be more beneficial for me to go alone. A few days ago we tried to make plans for summer vacation. I suggested we go somewhere within our budget, but he said he wanted to go somewhere more expensive. He knows that this will put our family in a difficult situation and that we will have financial difficulties, but he does not give up his idea. He says that he deserves such a holiday and that I greatly exaggerate his wish. I don't know what to do anymore. I even thought about breaking up a few times, but when it comes to breaking up, we recover for a few days and then go back to our old ways. While I was thinking about all these experiences at the door of a psychiatrist, all I know now is that I don't want to sacrifice anything more... If you have one, one of the reasons for this experience for them is that they have a "justice" schema. This schema tells the owner that he can do whatever he wants and that he has the right to do so. After a while, due to the nature of the schema, other people's rights are disregarded and the person acts in line with his right to live his own way. We see that positive effects emerge if certain points we need in our childhood are met in order to become adults who adapt well to life. So it doesn't have to be perfect. The answer to the question of what a child needs for his development actually lies in a number of universal needs that every human being needs to be met. A child primarily needs to feel safe, autonomy, self-esteem, self-expression, realistic boundaries, and connectedness with others. If these are met, the child's psychology will progress healthily. If it is missing; These unmet needs Early maladaptive schemas formed by the damaging effect develop throughout life. These are our core beliefs about ourselves that are difficult to change. They are self-destructive patterns that begin in childhood and repeat throughout life. One of them is the "justification" schema... Individuals with this schema do not apply for help due to the effect created by the schema. Spouses, partners and relatives, whose lives are made difficult by individuals with more schemas, come to the psychiatrist. If you have the “entitlement” schema, you will hear from those around you how selfish you are. You put your own needs before other people's needs and think you are special. With these attitudes, you start to have problems with your relatives. Your rights are more important than their rights. You claim that your relatives are making a big deal out of the situation and that you only want what you need. If you often feel inadequate and incompetent, look for someone to help you, and are afraid to act alone, you constantly seek help from the person you think is addicted. You think you have the right to get this help, but you get angry when you don't get it. What could be the basis of the "entitlement" schema, which makes interpersonal relationships so difficult and drags the schema owner towards abandonment? The groundwork has been prepared for the formation of the ” scheme. If you want to live a happy and quality life and have the people you love around you, you need to start fighting your schema. Because individuals with this schema may be doomed to be abandoned by their loved ones over time. While struggling with your schema, you can start by trying to empathize with your loved ones by trying to set limits and rules for yourself. Remember that boundaries make life easier, not harder...
Read: 0
