Many priorities in the life of a woman who decides to become a mother begin to change after she makes this decision. It is undoubtedly a new process in which she must make important sacrifices in her life. During pregnancy, expectant mothers experience a different psychology due to hormonal changes, stress and physical changes. All expectant mothers have some concerns during this process, such as "what will the pregnancy be like?", "how will the birth be?", "what will the baby be like?" The expectant mother experiences an exciting and anxious period of uncertainty as a result of not knowing what kind of experience awaits her. In addition, during this period, many women experience ups and downs that they cannot control due to hormonal changes. They experience sudden crying crises, excessive emotionality, increased sensitivity in relationships, and different emotional states, sometimes due to biological reasons and sometimes due to psychological reasons. Sometimes they become unhappy, sometimes anxious, sometimes extremely touchy.
The reflection of this change process, which becomes evident with pregnancy, in the first months after birth, usually takes the form of intense mental preoccupations related to the child, such as concerns about the health of the child and thoughts of whether she is a good mother or not. starts. In this case, thoughts and behaviors such as frequently monitoring the child, paying excessive attention to issues such as cleaning the house and hygiene of food and drinks, even when unnecessary, are frequently observed. The whole purpose; The aim is to protect the child from dangers in the first days, to receive good care, and to organize the new living order. The main priority is your child. On the other hand, the need to feel adequate by improving motherhood skills comes to the fore. Therefore, the shifting of many priorities in the life of a woman who becomes a mother often becomes evident during this period.
What is the Psychological Right Timing for a Second Pregnancy?
Generally, every couple They have babies for their own reasons. To realize your dreams, to increase marital satisfaction, to protect your spouse, your source family, your first child; They want to please someone else or have a baby because they believe it will beat the biological clock. These reasons; It has very important effects on pregnancy, birth and the mother-baby relationship. Because individuals have children They look at the concept of "having a child" from different perspectives and make different definitions, depending on their reasons. Therefore, the most accurate determination of the ideal time in psychological terms is the man's desire and especially the mother's readiness for the second child and she really wants it. Because, although there is a partner who helps the mother, the psychological effects of the pregnancy process and especially the primary attachment object for the child until the age of 0-3 is the mother. And the biggest job falls on the mother.
Based on the fact that time is needed for the mother to recover from the stress she experienced after her previous pregnancy and to regain the necessary nutrients in her body, most scientific research points to the importance of waiting 18-23 months after the birth of the previous baby. It does. This period causes the next pregnancy to start in a healthy way. Golden timing is; The second pregnancy begins when the first child is 4 years old. The reason why this time may be ideal for a new baby is based on the fact that children over the age of 4 spend time without needing much attention from their parents and have a life of their own.
There are Differences Between Spouses Regarding the Decision to Have a Second Child. What Should Be Done If There Are Opinions?
After the birth of the baby, men and women generally experience different difficulties. The issues that men feel the most problematic after birth are; It focuses on making ends meet for the family, insomnia and fatigue, increased daily work, mother-in-law and father-in-law interventions, loss of time and social activities that they can spare for themselves, and decreased sexual interest of their spouse.
Women, on the other hand, generally suffer from insomnia and fatigue, their bodies and personal appearance. They complain about questioning their motherhood skills and competencies, sudden emotional changes and anxiety that occur at unexpected times, increased housework, difficulties in adapting to new roles and responsibilities, and difficulties in keeping up with the changes in their work lives if they were working before the baby. For this reason, making the decision for the second child jointly, like the first child, is an important point for the continuation of the roles of husband and wife in marriage and for the continuation of marital satisfaction. For all this reason The party who does not want a second child between the spouses due to this reason; It is very important that the reasons for anxiety, anxiety and not being ready are clearly shared between the spouses, that common solutions are sought to eliminate the reasons presented, and that the spouses never make decisions on this issue alone without considering the needs of the other. It may be useful to benefit from family therapy at the point where there are serious disagreements.
What Should Couples Consider with a Second Child?
It is healthy for spouses to be satisfied with their marriage and to be emotionally nourished from it. It is the most important point for the family. In addition, this point of unity and satisfaction also affects the level of love that spouses show to their babies. With the birth of the second child, parents have gained experience in many aspects from their first child experience. This is a very advantageous situation. However, despite the experience, each new baby will cause an increase in material and moral duties and responsibilities at home. These are normal situations that are expected and can now be predicted more easily with experience. The important thing here is to continue to strive to protect your marriage even when experiencing the expected and natural difficulties in the postpartum period. This will only be achieved under conditions where parents can continue their roles as husband and wife satisfactorily.
In order to return to the joyful days after the birth of the baby as quickly as possible when the time comes, and to provide healthyand happy homes for our children and ourselves;
1-Don't have children just because your spouse wants it or the family elders demand it, or because your child must have a sibling.
2-Never have a child to save your marriage. Having a child is, on the one hand, very nice, but on the other hand, it is also a very stressful situation. In a healthy, happy, and satisfactory relationship between husband and wife, the issue of children should come to the agenda. Prioritize fixing the problems in your marriage first, and then discuss this issue with your spouse.
3-Babies and children were born ready to receive and ask for more as they gave. Do not forget to accompany your spouse's life while taking care of your baby and children.
4-The most important coalition for your children and healthy families; It's the one you established with your spouse. Harmony, happiness and satisfaction between spouses are the cornerstone of a healthy family.
5-The relationship you establish with your children should not replace your spousal relationship. If there are unsatisfactory situations in your spouse relationship, you should fill the gap here with your spouse, not with the children, but with support if necessary.
6- Remember that the best psychological gift to give to a child is to see that there is also a pleasant husband-wife relationship between his parents. . Neglecting your marriage and your spouse for your child will not benefit anyone.
7-In order to be a better parent, you do not have to be less man-woman, less husband-wife. Try to establish a balance between being "woman" and "man",being "husband and wife"and being "mother and father".
8-Try to protect your hobbies and personal pleasures despite your baby. A happy child means happy parents.
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