Unfinished loves that ruin male-female relationships, unexperienced events that we feel in a corner of our hearts... Is it lack of love or something else? Why do we have difficulty in opening every part of our heart and soul to the person in front of us? And why does the feeling of attachment give us a feeling of vulnerability?
In general terms, the fear of attachment, which manifests itself as the avoidance of long-term relationships, is a situation that is frequently observed and complained about today. Bonding in relationships, trusting the other party, establishing closeness, and making the individual feel safe are important for the continuation of the relationship. Unfortunately, people with a fear of commitment cannot have a healthy relationship because such emotions and behaviors are missing and unstructured. Many people fail to realize this situation and become intensely anxious that they will not be able to maintain the relationship.
The basis of the fear of commitment lies in the fear of abandonment (fear of loss) and fear of pain. People who have a fear of abandonment are very likely to have had such experiences in childhood, especially in their relationships with their mothers. Problems caused by parents being overly controlling or indifferent in childhood cause the individual to have problems in later ages. The child learns to escape from these attitudes of the parents and tries to get rid of the intense anxiety he experiences by continuing with what he has learned in his later years.
Individuals with a fear of attachment generally expect the other party to accept him as he is in their relationships and to be with them no matter what they do. They are looking for individuals who can be happy. They constantly feel under pressure from the person they are in a relationship with and On the other hand, they complain about the constant demand for attention. Their biggest shortcoming is that they cannot adequately show their emotional transfer to the other party. Because showing your feelings to the other party means surrender. This will lead them to fear of losing again. Since they are faced with the intense fear of losing the person they are in a relationship with, they choose to stay away to escape the anxiety and inhibit themselves emotionally. They support their concerns by thinking that they will suffer in the future as well. Because of these problems they experience, these individuals avoid long-term relationships and instead have superficial and short-term relationships. These kinds of thoughts and behaviors begin to negatively affect the other person after a while.
Symptoms of fear of commitment; The desire to live alone, the fear of ending the relationship, being satisfied with the current situation, having bad memories of past relationships, and having doubts about whether the person in the relationship is the right person.
People who have a fear of commitment try to get rid of this situation. They can achieve it. If these individuals only realize the reasons for the situation they are experiencing, they can change the situation in their relationships. They can move their expectations, needs and relationships to a different position. In order to overcome this fear, people must first confront the causes of the fear.
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