The hard part of parenting; Children do not want to control themselves in order to adapt to their parents' limits and conditions, and they want their parents to change their own conditions.
Parents have three ways to set limits.
1-Guardianship: Children protect their own lives and Since they do not have the wisdom to supervise, they need the wisdom they gain from their parents' experiences.
2-Management: It is necessary to ensure that children who are not born with self-discipline fulfill the necessary duties in order to meet important expectations in terms of their development.
3-Being a resource: Children come into the world without resources. Parents are the source of everything good for the child. What matters are the limits on giving and receiving these resources. Over time, the child is expected to take what is given, use it responsibly, and gradually transition into the role of meeting his own needs. If the parent gives unlimited resources, the child feels privileged; Accordingly, they exhibit a demanding and selfish nature.
In order to be an effective parent;
1.Teaching
2.Being an example, that is, being a role model
3. It is necessary to help him internalize, that is, to confront him with the consequences of his responsibilities.
Points to consider in boundary education
Your Your child needs you, not your child.
The parent should not confuse his own painful feelings with the child's. In this way, he identifies too much with the child. Of course, one must have empathy towards the child.
If you do not have any disagreements with the people you love, there is something big wrong.
When we set boundaries, The child feels more safe, not less safe.
Ignoring and passing by: ignoring inappropriate behavior can cause it to increase. Bad things do not get better on their own. Children do not have the brakes to stop inappropriate behavior. Ignoring it can also cause stubbornness.
It is possible to get worn out in this process, our children will sense when we can become weak and surrender. r.
Every time we allow children to neglect their responsibilities, we damage their ability to become a person with self-control.
If you notice that they are worn out 1 - You lack time for yourself and a supportive environment. 2- You have trained your child to do work up to a certain stage and eventually you gave up.
The law of reaping what you sow = our life experiences show that effort brings perseverance and responsibility bears fruit. If we do not learn this law, When he cannot have the motivation to persevere for things, we become lazy and irresponsible
So we help the child gain self-control. This allows the child to say, “I have control of the quality of my life.” In this way, he understands that the control of his life is not in the hands of his parents, but in himself.
In order not to create anger in boundary education, empathy should be given to the child who takes responsibility for his bad choices. "I told you so" sentences create anger.
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The reward should be given when the child acquires new skills and exhibits exceptional performance, but not when he exhibits expected behaviors appropriate to his age.
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