A person's most basic need is to establish a secure attachment with his/her loved ones. With their parents, children, friends, lovers and spouses... The need for secure attachment and the fear of loss and loneliness that accompanies this need are addressed in psychotherapy. To understand the need for attachment, we can look at the features offered by attachment theory.
- Attachment is an internal motivating force:'Significant others (parent, children, lover, spouse, friend, etc.) The need to seek and maintain contact with .) is the most basic and inner-world source of motivation for people.
- Secure attachment provides autonomy:There are effective or ineffective attachment styles. Effective and secure attachment strengthens the development of autonomy and self-confidence. Secure attachment and autonomy are interconnected. Research has revealed that secure attachment is associated with consistent, harmonious and positive self-perception. The more securely we can connect, the more different and separated we can be. Healthy and effective; It is being able to be completely self-sufficient and in mutual solidarity and commitment rather than being separate from other people.
- Attachment is like a safe haven:The people we are attached to provide us with comfort and security, and feeling that we cannot reach them is causes internal stress. Being physically close to a loved one regulates the nervous system. This is a natural remedy for feelings of anxiety and weakness. Positive attachments create a safe haven that buffers against the effects of anxiety and uncertainty. At the same time, they ensure that the development of the personality is at an appropriate level.
- Commitment provides a solid foundation:Based on this solid foundation, the person can go out to explore his world and respond to his environment in the most harmonious way. In this way, a solid foundation supports research and ensures openness to new information. It provides the confidence necessary to take risks, learn, constantly improve oneself, others and the environment, and ensure adaptation. Secure attachment reinforces a person's ability to withdraw and reflect on oneself, one's behavior, and one's mental state. When a relationship provides a sense of security, It becomes possible for people to connect with others, support them, and cope with conflict and stress more successfully. Such relationships increase happiness, satisfaction and balance.
- They establish and strengthen bonds of 'accessibility' and 'responsiveness':Emotional availability and responsiveness are what build secure bonds. A figure of attachment may be physically present; but he may not be there emotionally. Separation anxiety arises from the attachment figure not being perceived as approachable. Emotional commitment and the confidence to find that emotional connection when needed is important. If we think in terms of connection; Any response (even if it is anger) is better than no response at all. If no response or sign of emotional commitment is received from the attachment figure, the perceived message is “I am not interested in your signals, there is no connection between us.” It will be like this.
Emotion is at the center of attachment. Commitment relationships are the relationships in which our highest emotions arise and these emotions have the most impact. Emotions express our motivations and needs to ourselves and others.
- Fear and uncertainty trigger our need to connect:When an individual feels threatened, due to a traumatic experience, or due to illness that affects daily life due to a situation such as, or even when your commitment is a direct threat to security; A very strong emotion is awakened and the need for comfort and contact becomes evident. Attachment behaviors such as proximity seeking are activated. The feeling of contact with a loved one is one of the basic emotion regulators. Attachment to significant others is our basic protection against feelings of helplessness and meaninglessness.
- The internal stress of the separation process is predictable:If attachment behaviors fail to obtain a secure response or contact with attachment figures, a typical process begins: Resistance with anger, attempts to integrate, depression, despair and finally detachment. Depression is a natural response to loss of contact. Anger in relationships can sometimes be interpreted as an attempt to make contact with an unattainable attachment figure. The anger of hope in relationship and the hope in non-relationship The anger of the people is different from each other. In secure relationships, the protest about not being available is noticed, accepted and responded to by the other.
- There are various forms of insecure attachment:There is a limitation in how one can deal with the attachment figure not responding at all; but “Can I count on you when I need you?” Many coping mechanisms may develop in the face of negative answers to the question. In such a situation, attachment responses fall between anxiety and avoidance. When a relationship with an irreplaceable person is threatened but not yet fully severed, the attachment system becomes overstimulated and revved up. Attachment behaviors increase and intensify: There may be anxiety, monitoring, or even aggressive attempts to get a response from the loved one.
Another strategy that may emerge to cope with this situation in the absence of a secure emotional attachment is, Especially when hopes of getting answers are over, stopping the attachment system, suppressing attachment needs, focusing on tasks and responsibilities, limiting attempts to establish an emotional bond with the attachment figure or avoiding these attempts altogether. Another insecure strategy is to both seek intimacy and respond with fear and avoidance when intimacy is offered. This strategy usually occurs in chaotic and traumatic attachments, where others are perceived as both the solution and the source of fear.
Attachment behaviors include the person's responses to regulate his emotions and protect himself against rejection and being left alone. Attachment habits can change with new relationships, or they can shape existing relationships and be maintained in this way. Attachment strategies may differ depending on the partner's attachment style. Attachment style affects relationship satisfaction. Insecurely attached couples are less satisfied with the relationship than securely attached couples. Adaptation of securely attached couples is higher.
- Attachment includes mental representations of oneself and the other:Attachment strategies regulate ways of coping with emotions. Some partners complain when they feel rejected and react as if a disaster had occurred. r, some partners remain silent for a few days. These behaviors are determined by how the person represents himself and the other in his mind. In a securely attached person, the person sees himself as worthy of being loved and valued, and is self-confident and sufficient. Research shows that secure attachment is linked to self-sufficiency and self-efficacy. Securely attached people's mental image of others is that they are responsive, trustworthy, and worth believing in. A person's mental representations of himself and the other are carried into the relationship and shape the way they interact. A person may have more than one agency, and some may be more active depending on the situation. Goals, beliefs, strategies and emotions are determined according to these representations.
- Isolation and loss are inevitably traumatizing:Deprivation, loss, rejection, abandonment by those they need most; It has great effects on the person. These traumatic situations, when followed by isolation, have profound effects on personality development and coping with other challenges in life. When a person has the confidence that they can reach out to another when they need to, they do not have the same chronic and intense feeling of internal fear as a person who does not have this confidence.
Deprivation and separation stress are part of the relationship, and clients experience this. They often refer to situations as 'traumatic'. Additionally, these conditions are linked to depression, anxiety, and hypervigilance.
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