Self-confidence can be defined as knowing one's abilities and emotions, loving oneself and having
trust in oneself. Confidence in children begins to develop at birth and
is a phenomenon that develops throughout life. Self-confidence, which develops through the messages given by the family to the child in the child's early years, continues to develop with the environment of teachers and friends when the child starts school.
. There are many important factors in the development of self-confidence in children
But the most important of these are the parents, the first people to whom the baby is securely attached.
The parents' attitude towards the child, their parenting style, and their expectations from the child create constructive or destructive effects on the child's development of positive thoughts about himself.
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The relationship a child establishes with his/her parents during infancy plays a very important role in his/her development.
. Since the first social environment a child encounters is his/her family, how much and how the child's physical and emotional needs are met plays an important role in his/her development. The reactions and behaviors of the family, which is the first social environment the child encounters, affect his entire development process. The child shapes his/her emotions and behaviors according to the social environment he/she belongs to. Therefore, the feeling of self-confidence
is formed in the family, which is the first social environment. Early parental attitudes and upbringing during childhood play a very important role in the formation of the child's own emotions and self-confidence.
. A child who feels loved within the family, who feels that his/her needs are met and that he/she is valued, will not be affected much by the negative reactions from those around him/
or even if he is, he will be able to cope with this situation easily.
Symptoms of Lack of Self-Confidence in Children
● If he cannot express his own feelings and thoughts,
● If he avoids duties and responsibilities,
● Separating from people with whom he feels safe If he/she has difficulties,
● He/she gets anxious when he/she enters new environments, he wants an adult with him and does not feel comfortable,
● If he has difficulty making decisions,
● If he cannot set limits in his relationships,
● If he avoids being in social environments.
● If he constantly feels shame, guilt and unlovedness.
How can the child's self-confidence be supported?
● You can pay attention to the child's feelings and thoughts and ask how he is? “What made you happy today?” “Did anything bother you today?”
● It is very important that the family's expectations from the child are age-appropriate. A child from whom nothing is expected avoids taking on tasks and is not supported to improve himself. On the other hand, a child who is raised with high expectations of his/her own capacity may stay away from self-improvement because he/she may be worried about making mistakes.
● When they are unsure of their own skills, they may need adult support. Encouraging him to try something new and showing him that he can do it will make it easier for him to take the step. The sentence "You start, I'm here if you need help" will help him take the next step.
● Give him small responsibilities and make him feel a sense of success.
● Make them feel how important their existence is to you. Always tell them that your love for them does not depend on their success or failure, but how important they are to you and how much you love them.
● Support your child in participating in activities and activities that align with his or her interests and abilities. In this way, you can help them develop self-confidence by revealing their existing talents.
● Do not keep your expectations from your child above his/her level. Set goals they can achieve and help them achieve them.
● Create an environment in your home where everyone can trust each other and easily share their happiness, sadness, failures and disappointments.
Adolescence is a period of considerable physical, psychological and behavioral changes that begin at the age of 11-12. It appears as a period of rapid development. During this period, another fact that needs to be accepted by parents has emerged; your child is now becoming autonomous and on the way to individualization, leaving the dependent relationship and becoming an individual who needs you less. The parents, who entered a new difference in their lives with this difficult to accept phenomenon, faced this situation with the first rebellion and first conflict with their child. Yes, he is still your child no matter how old he gets. But he is no longer a 'child' but a 'young man' trying to grow up. Your harmonious, obedient and balanced primary school child is replaced by a more anxious, absent-minded, indecisive and sometimes irritable teenager.
In this period, emotions bring about instant changes and the adolescent's reactions cannot be predicted. It is at this point that the important question comes to mind: How should I treat my child and set limits for him?
The attitudes of parents who act like 'democratic', who take the freedom of the child as a principle, and who act like 'friends', aiming to encourage the child's sharing, which we have heard very frequently lately, come to the fore. I wonder where exactly it is necessary to draw the line at this point? Every
child desires the presence of a guiding parent in the unknown world before him. In order for them to perceive the world as a safe place, they must first establish a safe unity and separation with their parents. In this separation, the child needs the parental authority to frame how safe or unsafe the actions he is involved in are. In other words, in these complex periods when he is searching for his identity, he is waiting for an adult who will hold him back when he gets lost and a parent who can tell him 'no' or 'stop' by explaining the reason when he encounters a dangerous situation.
The control and limitation mechanisms, the foundations of which were laid in the very early stages of childhood, continue to contain this need in adolescence, when they come to the fore again. The act of setting a safe boundary during childhood becomes a preparation period that helps facilitate this process in adolescence. He will have died.
Why is there a need for boundaries?
In this period, which is one of the important stages of identity development, where questions about who oneself arise, the child tries to form his own self and builds his self-image. In this phase where the child has to redefine himself, he will want to see a safe and limited parent figure who does not fall apart when leaning on him.
Therefore, in this period when friendship relations have increased considerably, what he needs is not a friend, but an image of adult parents who can safely keep him within a certain framework. Parents, who with all their good intentions try to support children in expressing their own ideas and building their self-confidence, may describe setting limits as an action that hinders and stops their children. However, setting boundaries does not mean preventing, but showing a way for the child in his vast nature and serving as a guide in the formation of a healthy and safe personality.
Children, just like ducklings, continue their parents' actions and behaviors with the intention of following the parent's safe path. A child who strives to become an individual needs clear boundaries and rules. He tries to express this need by pushing his limits from time to time. At some moments, the child takes some extreme actions for the parent to see, as if saying 'someone stop me', repeats these actions over and over again, and shows the need for boundaries in order to exist safely. Although the child tends to open up to the outside world by saying 'leave me' to the parents at this stage, he actually gives silent signals of wanting to be seen and noticed by the parents.
What does democratic family mean?
Perhaps the most sensitive thing to focus on during the child's adolescence is the misinterpretation of the democratic family understanding. Democratic family structure does not mean that parents and children have equal rights and make decisions equally; it should be a system in which all family members can share their thoughts and feelings, but the generation gap will be preserved. In other words, the child can express his/her opinion and criticize the decisions taken and the limitations imposed. He should be able to do what he does, but he should still know that he has to comply with these rules.
At this point, the 'consistent' and 'determined' stance of parents is very important and plays a key role in shaping behavior in a safe environment.
The Meaning of Peer Relationships?
During this period, the importance of communication with peers increases and the opinions of friends come to the fore in current decisions to be made. Separating the child from home in order to make sense of his own feelings and lifestyles is seen as a part of healthy development. During this process, difficulties may arise in family communication, and parents may sometimes worry about the young person whose ties with home are loosened. During this period, he needs a peer group that has common concerns like him, who can understand him, and with whom he can feel a sense of belonging outside the family. In this sense, groups that do not exist in an intense limitlessness in terms of behavior appear as a socialization tool that supports each other and plays an important role in the child's gaining independence.
For a Safe and Limited Relationship
Not forgetting the child's need for clinging that does not ignore the difficulties and freedom of this phase he is in, and the limiting action he needs at this point, To confront the child as a parent with a consistent and single discourse, to explain to the child what is prohibited and why and why, what is not welcome, not to criticize the child in front of others, to make accusations about the child's behavior rather than his personality, in short, to guide the child to individualize on the way to becoming an adolescent and Supporting the effort for liberation within safe borders is very important.
In order for our children to develop as healthy and safe individuals who are aware of their potential, they need adult and solid parental images. These parental figures will be the most valuable value that their children can add to their own personality formation. Do not tell your child 'no' from the beginning to something that you will eventually say 'yes' to.
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