Sexual education begins in the womb. Depending on the gender of the baby, the positive or negative emotions the mother gives to the baby will seriously affect the baby's sexual identity in the future. Development in children aged 0-6 consists of three stages;
1- ORAL PERIOD (0-18 MONTHS)
In this period, the mother and the baby are a whole. The baby thinks of the mother as a part of himself until the sixth month. The baby's needs must be met completely and on time, and he must fully receive the feeling of attachment from his mother. After the sixth month, the baby realizes that his body and his existence are a separate part of his mother. The most important thing that mothers should do here is to mirror their baby, that is, to feel their baby's presence and make him/her feel it too, and to approve every correct behavior he/she does. The mother should love her baby unconditionally and be there for her whenever she needs it. The way she looks at her baby while breastfeeding, the way she holds him and the feeling he gives her at that moment have a direct impact on the baby's personality development. While changing the diaper, one should not say negative things such as "You smell so bad, did you pee again?"
Because babies and children think concretely (they have an egocentric mindset), everything that comes out of their body is their own. He thinks as if he is a part of himself and can perceive the negativities said to him as if they were being said to him. This feeling may cause him/her to think "I am not wanted, I am not accepted." Babies teethe at five or six months of age, they can start crawling at eight or nine months, and they start walking at ten or twelfth months (this may vary for each child). In fact, this separation from the mother is the first step towards independence. It is very important to give him the optimal distance of closeness, that is, the feeling of trust. Extreme reactions, either positive or negative, should not be given to the child falling or getting up when he first starts walking.
Again, during this period, the mother should definitely not sleep with her baby. The baby's cradle should be in the mother's room until the first six months, and then the baby should be separated into another room. This will help the baby's independence. It also means gaining their trust, so that they do not witness the sexual intercourse of their parents. This testimony It is one of the factors that negatively affects the child's identity. Weaning the baby should be at the end of the first year of life. Likewise, when he teethes and starts walking, he actually gains independence, but breastfeeding for longer than one year of age means that he still becomes dependent on the mother, which may cause attachment problems in the child.
2- ANAL PERIOD
Includes months 18-36. A child who spends 0-18 months in a healthy manner is now able to walk and talk enough to meet his needs. A child who has fully developed physically and spiritually is now ready to receive toilet training. Toilet training should also be given between 18-36 months. (Early and late toilet training causes biological and psychological harm to the child.)
• If the child feels that it is time to urinate and even tells it
• If the child urinates by hiding (feeling of shame)
• If he holds the urination for a long time
br /> • If the child wakes up with a dry diaper in the morning, toilet training can now be started.
Pressure, coercion, beating and negative sentences should never be used when toilet training children. It is very important that the mother be a model for girls and the father be a model for boys, and that this should be normalized and done in a calm and patient manner. The child, who has received full toilet training, has now become independent. This independent child should be allowed to take on the responsibilities he can, and if he is supported in every sense, he can develop a self-confident and healthy personality.
Children get to know and take care of their sexual organs better during toilet training. While defecating, the message should be given that the toilet is a private place, that no one other than the mother can be near it, and that private parts cannot be shown to anyone other than the mother. The mother should tell the child, "You can call me after you pee, I'll be waiting for you at the door," and help her child pee on her own and help him clean up after he finishes. Again, during this period, one should not sleep with the child, the message should be given that the bed and bedroom are private, and children's rooms should be entered by knocking on their doors and getting permission (as parents, we should not allow our children to enter our room without permission). if we don't want them). Again, during this period, our boys should not be circumcised (castration) between the ages of 2-6. The age of circumcision is either 0-2 years old or over 6 years old.
The optimal distance should be given to the child, the child should not be kept waiting, staying at a distance where we can see him and he can see us, not using wrong words is very important for him to develop his self-confidence and socialize.
3- PHALLIC PERIOD (OEDIPAL)
It is the period between the ages of 2.5-5. It is a period when the child is self-sufficient in every sense, can walk, run, talk, eat, meet his/her toilet needs, fully express himself physically and spiritually, his need for parents decreases, he can play with his peers, go to kindergarten and socialize. He is very curious. He loves to explore and asks a lot of questions, overwhelming the parents. We should look into our child's eyes, talk to him/her, answer all of his/her questions without getting upset, and, as always, make him/her feel that we value and care for him/her and that we love him very much under all circumstances.
Children who go to kindergarten, due to their gender curiosity, play house games, doctor games, and look at each other's genitals in the toilet. They begin to understand and question the difference.
Starting from the age of four, the child should be made to feel the sense of shame through both behavior. Behaviors regarding the lack of exposure of the genital areas should be made felt to the child. Parents themselves should be an example to the child by applying these behaviors. Since a four-year-old child is now independent, we can teach him how to protect our body with the game of good touch and bad touch (explain in practice).
HOW SHOULD WE ANSWER OUR CHILD'S QUESTIONS ABOUT SEXUALITY?< br /> 1- Answer your child when he asks a question.
• Do not prevent him by saying "I will tell you when he grows up" or "Where do you hear such things?".
• Your child may not ask again and may learn wrong things from unreliable sources.
• Let your child know that you are pleased that he/she asks questions. Reward her by saying, “Thank you for asking me this question.”
2- Do not hesitate when talking about fertilization and birth. Do not use i, ambiguous or unrealistic expressions.
• Do not give animals as examples when your child wants to learn about people.
• This is a confusing, sloppy attitude.
3- Your child asks questions If he is old enough to ask, he is old enough to learn the right answers and the right words.
• Make sure you understand what the child is asking.
• Don't be afraid of giving too much information, answer his questions according to his age and development level.
• Ask the question. Answer when asked.
• If you don't really know the answer to the question, ask for some time.
4- Use age-appropriate pictures and books when giving information.
• Be careful when using similes.
> • As children ask questions, if you answer their questions correctly and understandably, or if they are answered in some way, their curiosity will be satisfied and they will not get wrong information from their friends.
• Do not hesitate to use the terms penis, vagina, egg, sperm when giving information to your child.
WHY IS SEX EDUCATION SO IMPORTANT?
• It is wrong to perceive sexual education as a subject where only sexual information is given, sexual and reproductive organs are introduced and birth is explained.
• Thanks to sexual education, the child learns to respect his own body and the body of the opposite sex.
• This causes him to establish healthy, level-headed communication with people of his own gender and those of the opposite sex in his future life.
• It is up to the child to recognize his own body and its characteristics. It is a feature that increases self-confidence.
• It is known that a child who receives sexual education step by step and in accordance with his age is more balanced in his relationships with the opposite sex later in life.
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