The most important period of a boy's life is undoubtedly between the ages of 2-6. During this period, sexual identity becomes fully clear. Some mistakes made knowingly or unknowingly by parents during this period can irreversibly affect that child's entire life. When a child is born there is no self-consciousness. There is only the "Mother" who cares for him. In other words, there is no I and there is only "He". After a while, the baby becomes aware of its own existence. The idea of "Me and My Mother" is established. After the age of 2, an instinctive awareness of masculinity begins to emerge in boys. During this period, it is very important for the mother to help her son to break his instinctive ties with himself in a healthy way. The mother must give the message, "Son, you are a man and you belong to the world of men now." Such a message gives courage to that man. The father should also hold his hand by saying, "Son, you are one of us and come to the world of men." Mistakes made at these points may cause boys to experience sexual identity confusion. The mother may knowingly or unknowingly not allow her son to break his bond with her. The father may knowingly or unknowingly prevent his son from approaching him. In this case, the boy remains in limbo, so to speak. She instinctively wants to switch to the male side, but she cannot find enough courage. And sexual identity confusion arises subconsciously. As long as he remains recessive, that man will never be accepted into the heterosexual world. Unless this happens, over time he begins to admire what he lacks. To elaborate on the subject a little more...
To put it more clearly, mothers give birth to a boy, and fathers make that child a boy. Becoming a man is not as easy as it seems and it does not happen automatically. While it is much easier for girls to identify with their mothers, becoming a boy is a very difficult journey. They can never complete this journey alone. Boys need absolute support. Undoubtedly, the roles of parents at home are of great importance in this search for sexual identity. Unhealthy communication channels within the family can further increase boys' confusion. If a parent thinks their son is heterosexual If he wants to live a good life, he needs to make some effort in this regard. Especially fathers have a little more responsibility. Because a child's warm closeness with his father makes the heterosexual world more attractive for that child. If not, the position where the child is with his mother at the beginning is already a safe enough haven, as it is a risk-free, non-competitive environment.
At these points, being too close to the mother and being distant from the father can be complicated for a boy. creates a mood. The mother's excessive affection and closeness to her son is sometimes a sign of her emotional disconnection from her husband. Such mothers may unconsciously want to get the hunger for love from their sons that they cannot find from their husbands. But this makes it very difficult for the boy to transition into the heterosexual world. As I mentioned, the transition to this world is extremely scary and difficult for a boy. The mother's clinging to her son may make this transition impossible. The father's position in the child's eyes is even more complicated here. Because the father is also the great power in the house where there is competition for the mother. In a way, the thing the child wants most is also the thing he fears most. The child who instinctively wants to move into the male world must first give up on the mother. This rupture may not be possible without the guidance, warmth and care of the father.
Examples of negative attitudes of the father towards his son;
1- The father is extremely indifferent towards his son, he is cold and distant. The father does not share anything with his son and other children. He rarely hugs them, hugs them and loves them. Therefore, the boy has a hard time communicating with the heterosexual world.
2- The father draws a cruel profile towards his son. He constantly insults her. Some fathers with a vague personal profile! They try to take out the anger of their own inferiority on their own son. In a way, he also satisfies his own masculinity by crushing his defenseless son. Therefore, the child moves away from his father and does not want to move into the heterosexual world.
3- The father has a narcissistic nature. He never sees any mistakes or shortcomings in himself. He also ignores some of his child's misbehaviors; He begins to distance himself from the child. Especially if he has another son, he stays closer to him while neglecting his other son and not taking full care of him. Amen passes it on to his mother. Even if the father does not treat his son badly, this cold attitude can break that child's heart. He thinks that his father does not reach out to him.
Examples of a mother's negative attitude towards her son:
1-In order to meet her emotional hunger with her son, the mother tries to break his bond with himself. may be an obstacle. She can hold her son tightly to herself with excessively affectionate verbal and behavioral attitudes. She even hugs her son for emotional and spiritual relief for the problems she cannot solve with her husband.
2- The mother's drawing a very negative image (denigrating, humiliating) her son about men and especially her husband (her son's father) causes her son to cool down and move away from the male world.
3- Very rarely, some mothers unconsciously try to sabotage their sons' masculinity. It's almost like he's jealous of her masculine side (since he's not a man). Unfortunately, she includes her son in the sexual identity confusion that the mother cannot resolve within herself.
In normal development, boys between the ages of 6-12 hate girls and play only with boys. This also applies to girls and it is the right thing to do. This is a natural part of gender identification and serves to reinforce sexual identity. At this stage, the opposite sex gradually becomes more mysterious and the foundations of erotic attraction begin to be laid. Children with sexual identity confusion are generally "unhappy and depressed" children. They do not interfere with other boys because they think they will be ridiculed by them. They do not participate in any sports or competitive games. They don't make friends easily, except girls. They lock themselves in the house and even in the room after a while. They often have crying crises. Over time, they become a child who lives alone in a dream world, cannot make friends, and communicates only with his mother, who watches other boys with half fear and half admiration. For these children, who cannot make the transition to the male world due to the lack of a father and who do not have the courage to identify with other boys, the mystery gradually appears for their own gender. It is inevitable that the world he watches with admiration from afar turns into a romantic attraction in adolescence. Well, as a parent, you should think that all this is normal. Can you please?
The common feature of all boys with sexual identity confusion is that they have a fragile, timid and shy temperament. In fact, these are very smart children. They are especially afraid of physical harm rather than being hurt. That's why they always stay away from physically challenging activities. Since they are very attached to the house and their mothers, they are the children who help them a lot with the housework. So to speak, they become their mother's only lambs. The delicate nature of her child requires the mother to constantly protect and watch over him. Thus, the passionate bond between mother and son becomes even more deeply rooted. The mother never harms her son, the other is threatening! He also keeps him away from the boys he sees. This gentle nature of the child is, of course, an innate feature. Of course, this temperament does not make anyone homosexual, but it can make someone more prone. Just like obesity, genes predispose us to something, but they do not force us to be something. Whether or not one becomes obese is entirely dependent on the eating habits that families instill in their children.
All these behavioral models and environmental conditions lead to defensive avoidance behavior in boys. The world of men is already very difficult, it requires initiative, competition, and sometimes a show of strength. Then some boys start to think, "I'm not a man anyway" or "If my father doesn't want me, I don't want him either." A disconnected father, an overly encompassing mother, and a temperamentally sensitive son. This triple family dynamic is the ideal environment for that child to experience sexual identity confusion. Struggling in this environment is very tiring, and defeats are extremely painful. After a while, that child who lacks self-confidence will give up. It would never be right to evaluate a child's renunciation as that child's choice or as an innate genetic trait. Because the entire process is determined by the responsibility or irresponsibility of the parents.
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