TALK TO YOUR CHILDREN
Sexual abuse against children is one of the most painful events encountered in society. By highlighting the question "What should we do as families?" before this situation occurs, we must say the following; Talk to your children! Let them know what sexual abuse means and how to protect themselves. Then, make them feel comfortable talking to you about potentially very "private" topics.
There are many reasons why we need to talk to our children about sexual abuse. First and foremost, it is known that children whose families talk about sexual abuse are much more prepared to prevent it from happening.
Another reason is the frequency of this crime. An even more alarming statistic is that the average age of those who are sexually abused is between six and nine.
Sexual abuse is a problem of dysfunctional families living in poor neighborhoods. Although we may think that, this is not the case.
Although we tend to think of sexual abuse as something that happens outside the homes of good families, many children are victims of incest. But still, sexual abuse is a situation that can be seen in everyone's home, even among step parents, siblings, cousins, uncles, grandparents. So, no matter where we live or how strong family ties we have, children should be informed and warned in advance about the problem of sexual abuse.
When Should You Talk to Your Children About Sexual Abuse?
The best time to talk about sexual abuse is when your child is not in a potentially dangerous situation and feels safe. Since it is impossible to know if or when abuse may occur, it is important to talk about it at an early age. Even preschool should not be considered too early.
Although the details of what you will tell will vary depending on your child's age, general education about attack prevention, along with other safety topics, should be given to children of all ages.
For example;
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Little boy Just as you teach your child not to take candy from strangers, you can also teach them to say no if someone wants to touch their private parts.
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When talking to your child about whether he should eat or drink a substance he finds on the street or something he does not know, you can also teach him about personal privacy. You can also talk about their rights to oppose uncomfortable touches.
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While explaining why they should say no to drugs, you can also explain why they have the right to say no to a person who touches them and makes them feel uncomfortable.
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How Should You Talk About Sexual Abuse?
When talking to your children about sexual abuse, it is important to convey the information without unduly frightening or horrifying them. You don't actually have to use the definition of "sexual abuse." Your goal is to teach your child, in a positive and non-threatening way, that no one has the right to touch their body unless they want to. This message is easily delivered when families provide an environment where it can be talked about comfortably (even if it is considered sensitive, personal or taboo).
It is also much easier to talk about preventing abuse with children who know the names of their own body parts, including genital areas.
What Should You Say?
When talking to your child about sexual abuse, it is important to aim to achieve two goals.
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Provide specific and accurate information so that your child can recognize and distinguish sexually abusive behavior.
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Inform your child about potentially dangerous behavior. Teach specific ways to deal with a situation.
To achieve these goals, you can follow the instructions below:
" Explain "Personal Parts".
"Dad, why can't the girls take off their t-shirts when it's hot?"
"Mom, why can't I go into the bathroom with you?"
"Why in the living room "Can't I dress or undress?"
The questions children ask give us the opportunity to talk about "personal parts".
Without creating the perception that these parts of our bodies are dirty or shameful. , the areas we cover with swimsuits Explain that it is very private and personal. Then explain why these personal areas should be covered and why the person should not be seen or touched by anyone except their parents and doctors, if necessary, with the parent's permission.
Explain "Sexual Abuse".
Children; They should be aware that some adults or young people may try to invade their privacy and that this is not acceptable. There are two types of sexual abuse that your children should be aware of:
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Non-touching abuse: stimulating the child with verbal or visual stimuli related to sexuality, obscene phone calls, exhibitionism, voyeurism, or eliminating the concealment of privacy, thus eliminating the child's sexual abuse. It includes situations where the act of intercourse will be witnessed visually or audibly.
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Touching abuse: caressing, sexual intercourse or attempts with all private parts; It includes touching private parts, incest and rape.
He should know that he does not have to be a foreigner. Eighty-five percent of child molesters are people the child knows. Recent news underlines the horrific situations. Tell your child, "No one, teachers, relatives, friends, etc., can say 'I can touch you or look at private parts of your body.'" Explain.
Explain How He Can Say No.
After your child learns that his/her body has special and personal parts, Talk to him about what he should do when he tries to exercise, when he tries to look at personal parts of his body, or when he tries to expose himself to personal parts of himself.
Children need your permission to control their own bodies; because, in general, they have learned to obey and respect adults. In this situation, they need to know that they can and should say no if they do not like what is happening.
The most effective way for the child to stop a potential attack is to shout "NO" in a loud and firm voice and get out of the situation. is to get away quickly. What if If! You can rehearse saying no and help your child by making up games.
Use this game for a variety of potentially dangerous situations:
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What if a strange man comes and asks questions, saying he's a cop? What do you say if someone tells you that you need to get in the car for a day?
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What if a friend or relative says let's play doctor and take off your clothes, what do you say?
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What if someone you know wants to touch or rub the area between your legs?
Coach your child to give strong answers in these situations: p>
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No, don't do this!
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No, I'll tell my mother!
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Stop , you can't!
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My parents said you can't do that!
Once your kids are introduced to this game and make fun of them Once they learn that you will play without embarrassing them, they can start asking their own what if questions. This is a good sign that they are starting to feel comfortable getting information and support from you on a sensitive issue.
Give Unconditional Love and Support.
Child molesters try to control their victims in three ways. :
By coercing the child or using the power of authority,
Manipulating the child into playing a "fun game" that will result in unwanted physical contact ,
Saying that he will give gifts or things he will like.
These techniques are very persuasive and can make the child feel like he/she is somehow responsible. Reassure your children that they should not blame themselves if an adult or older child tries to touch them or show their body.
At the same time, an adult or older child can invade your child's privacy. Explain to your children that it is definitely a very safe and good way for them to tell you when they are trying to do something wrong. Let the abusers know that they are luring children with nice words or threatening to keep the situation a "private" secret. No matter what other adults say, they can always talk to you Reassure them about i.
Repeat the Message You Want to Give.
You cannot give your child an effective enough warning about sexual abuse in a single conversation. Repetition is a necessary part of the learning process. Therefore, repeat your explanations for different situations. Follow up with your child with some questions a few days after your conversations. This gives them the opportunity to voice any concerns they may have. You might ask:
"Have you thought about our conversation about private parts of the body?"
"Do you have any questions about what to do if someone tries to touch you in a way you don't want?"
"Do you remember what to say to strangers who offer to give you toys or candy?"
Listen to Undisclosed Fears.
Sexual abuse is never the child's fault, and should not be kept a secret. Some children may have difficulty talking about the situations they encounter that disturb them. So it's important to be careful when you see signs that they're trying to tell you something. For example, if your normally friendly child says "I hate going to Uncle X's house" or is unusually stubborn about not going to violin lessons, do some research. Ask your child how they feel about the adult they rejected. Without putting words in the child's mouth, encourage them to talk openly about what happened the last time they saw that person.
What to Do If Your Child Has Been Sexually Abused?
Nothing should happen to parents whose child has been sexually abused by someone. cannot prepare to deal with this situation. While there may be a natural resistance to confronting such a painful and disturbing event, how the family deals with it determines whether it will have a traumatic effect on the child.
Report to Competent Authority.
If you notice any abuse, whether it is a crime within or outside the family, report it to the police immediately.
Some families are afraid to report sexual abuse; because they want to protect their children from social pressure. Making such an accusation or
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