I recently listened to an English podcast. I decided to transcribe this podcast, which examines an important behavioral pattern seen in every society, into a Turkish article for you. Here is that article…
There are 5 main reasons why victims return to their abusers and even become addicted. The cornerstone of all of these reasons, which I will list shortly, is "fear".
Financial Power
The abuser uses money to keep the victim with him. He tells the victim that if she breaks up with him, she will stay on the street and bad things will happen to him, and he instills many similar beliefs in the victim.
Manipulation
The abuser knows how to use his power, appearance and intelligence. Sometimes he even uses his pain and trauma against the victim. For example, he constantly blames his “bitter” past for his bad behavior. The goal is for the victim to take pity on him and lower his guard against his abuse. Not only that, the abuser knowingly harms himself and those around him and then acts as if nothing happened. This harm does not have to be physical; Harmful words, insults and tantrums, and accusing the partner who expresses his/her dissatisfaction with these events of being crazy, exaggerating, or even being unfaithful are also included in these damages.
Hope (The Biggest Reason)
We all strive for the things we love and value and try to make them better. While doing all these, the name of the support of the person, that is, the victim, is hope. Abusers know this well and make their victims see themselves as a kind of savior. The other party believes that they can make their partner a better person or even heal them. In fact, the abuser often displays regret and shame, says that he will change, and dazzles the victim with plans for the future.
NOTE: If the person does not have a magic wand, they cannot change anything.
Love
Love or affection can make relationships complicated. Months, years, good and bad experiences spent together will make it difficult for a person to give up such a relationship. Especially the happy memories experienced will act as a glue.
Recognition
The victim feels safe because even though he/she is hurt, he/she will protect the person who caused it. he knows. He is not a stranger to this person. You can think of it this way; Even if you went to a very comfortable house as a guest, would you still be as peaceful as in your own home? Getting to know someone new and accumulating new experiences seems difficult for the victim, and he unconsciously accepts being harmed by the source he knows.
I suggest you ask the abused person/yourself these two questions;
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Is this the treatment I deserve?
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Is this the kind of relationship I want?
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The one I love Would I want someone to stay in such a relationship?
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Am I happy?
The initial The answers may lead the person to deny their situation. In such cases, the victim should ask himself these questions frequently and be encouraged to be objective about his situation. It should not be forgotten that if a person is in a bad situation, no matter how much help he receives from those around him, he cannot get out of that situation unless he really wants to get out of it. In order to prevent more serious losses and damages in the future, it is important to gain awareness and accept/make the situation accepted as soon as possible.
I hope you stay in relationships that nourish your soul, make you smile, and make you more hopeful and stronger, not those that try to intimidate you. .
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