Yörükoğlu (2011) defines divorce as "From a legal perspective, divorce is the termination of the marriage contract. However, from a spiritual perspective, it is a complex event that leads to the division or complete dissolution of the family and shakes all family members."
Although divorce may seem like a process that only affects spouses and children at first glance, it significantly affects the social structure, culture and values. Although divorce is a decision made by mutual consent of the spouses, it brings about many changes for each family member and creates a significant source of stress in their lives.
It is natural for every child to live with their mother and father under the same roof, in love and trust. is to live. The harmony between the mother, father, the family structure they create and the spouses is indispensable for family peace. Disagreements between spouses cause emotional problems in the child.
If parents can continue the communication between them and manage to create a balanced environment for their children, this will be to the benefit of the children in the long run. However, this situation, which is beyond their control, is difficult for children to accept. They always want both parents to be with them.
Traditionally, the family consisting of parents is considered to be the best environment for the child's development. The predicted negative effects of divorce appear to be due to the lack of socialization caused by living with a single parent. The absence of one of the mother or father models in the family results in insufficiency in learning social skills.
A study concluded that as time passed after the divorce, children of divorced families showed more behavioral problems, social withdrawal and academic failure than other children. .
Another study has revealed that divorce has negative effects in the long term, and these effects are also observed in young adulthood. It has been stated that young people from broken families have poor relationships with their parents and show emotional problems.
When gender differences are examined, boys are more prone to behavioral problems than girls, and divorce widens this difference between boys and girls.
However, there are also studies that conclude that divorce does not have a different effect on a girl or a boy.
Reactions of a Child After Divorce >
Each child's perception and reaction to divorce varies depending on his or her developmental level. In the preschool period, divorce is perceived as a physical separation for the child. Especially in children of mothers who show depressive symptoms after divorce, inability to separate from their mothers and behaviors that are younger than their age may be observed. During primary school, the child's awareness increases a little more. The child knows that the bond between parents is broken. He may blame himself for the breakup. Self-blame decreases with age. During adolescence, divorce is tried to be evaluated by both mother and father.
Divorce is not a situation that children will accept easily. At preschool age, the child may think that no one loves him. He thinks he has to choose between mother or father. He may hold himself responsible for the divorce. Child; He thinks that he has lost his parents' love because he is naughty and disobedient. He/she may resort to many methods, from physical complaints to mischief, to attract the mother's attention.
School children tend to hide the separation of their parents. Fear of abandonment may begin in some children after the father leaves home. An attempt is made to relieve the anxiety by clinging to the mother. Angry attitudes towards the mother can also be seen in children who hold the mother responsible for the father's departure. After divorce, children may experience fear, sadness, anger, guilt, loneliness, sleep problems, masturbation, school problems, physical problems, and eating problems.
Parents' Attitudes and Behaviors After Divorce
Divorce is not just a situation that affects the child's life. Spouses may also experience the negative effects of divorce. Parents who do not feel well may not be able to help their children in this difficult process.
The way parents behave towards each other during the divorce process affects the child. Children of parents who do not lose respect for each other can adapt to their daily lives more quickly.
The tendency to buy gifts for the child and show excessive affection is predominant in parents who live separately with their children after divorce. In this case, the parent with whom the child stays may feel angry and enter into a desperate race with his ex-spouse.
Children's reaction to the divorce largely depends on the parents' reactions. Research has shown that there is a close relationship between the custodial parent's adjustment and the child's adjustment. When parents express their negative feelings towards each other in front of children and make suggestive conversations behind each other's backs, this causes the child to become confused and unhappy. Emotions about divorce should be expressed by parents without anger or naming names, and the focus should be on the emotion as much as possible.
The close relationship established by one of the parents with the child affects the behavior of the other parent and increases the child's adaptation. However, the amount of time the father spends with the child also affects the child positively.
The age and gender of the children of divorced families, the quality and form of the relationship they have with their parents after the separation, the frequency of seeing the parent with whom the child does not live, the physical and mental health of the parents. health, the support parents give to children, and the social and economic support received by a child living with a single parent may negatively affect the child's ability to cope after the divorce or improve the child's adaptation. It will be beneficial for the child if the parents have a healthy relationship and communicate with each other (Zimmerman and Hess).
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