Raising children can be really intolerable, especially until the first 7 years of age, but after the age of 7, when school and social environments come to the fore, situations come to the fore that will surprise us with how to behave differently. Of course, getting expert support is one of the best and necessary ways to communicate with them correctly after having children, but if this is not possible, a little tip from me to you…
Of course, it is important before, but especially during school period. I will tell you about a way that can help you to experience less jealousy in children who have siblings or twins; unconditional positive acceptance / love… What is this unconditional positive acceptance / love? Let's try to explain briefly. Whether we admit it or not, we often unconsciously choose our children and those around us under certain conditions and give them our love under conditions. For example, we prefer the smart one instead of the child who is misbehaving, or we hug our child who has excelled in his studies and brought a good report card, we praise him, and even if this is a foreign child, we set an example for our own child. In this way, we unknowingly give the message to the INDIVIDUAL "I love you if you're like so-and-so". Unfortunately, I had the opportunity to observe these and similar situations with regret in some of my high school and middle school clients. Children whose mothers boasted that they were "very fond of me" were actually INDIVIDUALS who missed being "children" for the sake of gaining the love of their parents, and again, unfortunately, mothers did not admit their mistakes in this regard… Now you will ask me a right question, so what should we do? You're going to say, "Are we tolerating everything they do and taking it out on us?" You are right, this is the hardest part of the job. unconditional positive acceptance; whatever the situation is, it is based on making our child feel loved. I would like to try to explain this difficult and complex issue with a few examples and end my writing. Two brothers, who got their report cards or exam results from school, come home with excitement and joy, their report card is perfect. There is a slight uneasiness in the individual who does not like it, and with the effect of the situation he encounters in this house, it turns into a feeling of hatred, jealousy and parental dislike for the successful sibling. However, when both INDIVIDUALS come home, even if the parents hug and kiss them with a big hug, regardless of their report cards, then reward them with a small gift (in fact, even a hug and saying that you love them very much is a gift) and then look at the report card of the failed INDIVIDUAL and make constructive criticism by following a positive way. (for example, if you have achieved this success without working, you can do much better when you work, for example) can be said in a soft tone, if a successful INDIVIDUAL examines his report card and rewards him with a sentence such as "here's the reward for working" and embraces two siblings again... jealousy and hidden resentment towards parents can be eliminated… This way can be applied in various ways for children we call naughty/naughty…
Not applying unconditionally positive acceptance, not only negative situations to become. poses serious problems in children. My 13-year-old client, who had a parent whose love was indexed to academic success, felt compelled to achieve superior success in every exam he took and could not perform any activities required by his age. So much so that her brother, who is 4 years older than her, and my mother were fighting about whom she loves more, and she did not look up from her studies to deserve more love… The result? An individual whose academic success is excellent, but self-confidence and friendship relations are weak, who harbors a secret anger towards his mother and cannot have a healthy love due to the situation he is in... You are the sculptor who built these works, whether you want them yourself Turn them into adults who trust themselves, respect their environment and love people, if you want, turn them into people who are afraid of life or angry at life, the choice is yours….
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