The only thing that makes a person feel that life is worth living is creativity. If there is no creativity, every day in life is similar to the previous day, sometimes even the same. Creativity means being here in the moment, experiencing the work you do, the effort, the feeling you experience as yourself, and being able to continue this feeling. It is the child who is creative. The child can inflate the bag in his hand like a balloon and play with it. The child can make the pattern of the carpet on the ground as a highway and drive his car there quickly. Children are very creative in making objects fit the fantasies in their minds.
All children are creative, but very few adults are creative. As the child grows, society's expectations from the child increase. While a 3-year-old child is not expected to comply with table rules while eating, an 8-year-old child is warned by the adults around him when he eats by spilling food. Over time, the child learns to submit to others. He learns to follow the rules and give up creativity and being himself. In the world outside, there are not only rules that must be followed, in fact, the child learns to adapt emotionally to the feelings of others.
PARENTS HAVE DESIGNS ABOUT THE CHILD BEFORE THE CHILD IS BORN
The people who care for the child or We often see that parents determine the future of the child before it is born. They made a mental plan and program, including which school the child would attend, which profession he would be better at, and what kind of person he would marry. Thus, when the child is born, he will work to have the profession his parents want him to be in, he will strive to have the life his parents want to live, in short, he will make every effort to do what his parents cannot do. So what happens to one's own identity and personality in this process? It is impossible for the child to develop an identity and personality of his own under these conditions.
ARE A PERSON'S FEELINGS BELONG TO HIS OWN OR TO OTHERS?
When most individuals experience their own emotions in childhood, they are punished by their caregivers. This punishment is more of an emotional punishment. If the mother is upset because of the problem she has with her husband, she does not allow the child to be happy that day. He somehow manipulates the child's emotions and absorbs his own emotions into the child. poses. If the child resists taking in the mother's feelings, the mother punishes the child by not liking him or her, or by alienating him or her. The child, who cannot stand the mother's negative emotions, after a while takes over the mother's emotions and becomes sad. This cycle doesn't just apply to negative emotions. The system works the same way in all emotions, for example; A mother wants to feel the same as her child in many emotions such as surprise, anger, sadness, enthusiasm, fear, anxiety.
PEOPLE WHO DO NOT HAVE THEIR OWN EMOTIONS DO NOT HAVE THEIR OWN LIVES
People who live with the other's emotions throughout their lives have their own. They don't have a life. If everything he loves, fears, and feels enthusiastic about belongs to the people who cared for him in his childhood, the individual will experience serious psychological problems first in adolescence and then in middle age. For example, he says that every day is the same, he has difficulty staying in the emotions he feels for a long time, loneliness is very painful because there is no one to receive emotions from. In other words, he does not know what to feel when the other has no emotion. If a person does not have his own feelings, he will not have a job, a profession, or a life of his own.
DREAMS AND REALITIES
Adulthood rehearsals are made in childhood. This is the most important function of the game. The child experiments with what will happen when he grows up through games. The game is our fantasy world. The adult individual fantasizes before deciding what to do. Fantasy and reality sometimes do not meet on the same ground. While the parallelism between the position you hold, the education you receive, and the profession you choose increases a person's success in business life, too high expectations not only disappoint the person in the short term, but also cause consequences that prevent him from making a new attempt in the process. When starting a new business, dreaming childishly and sifting through reality, that is, the adult mind, is the most important factor that leads a person to success. The child is creative, the adult is realistic. Of course, it is possible to earn very good money in the short term and do very good things, but this rarely happens.
SELF ACTIVATION, STARTING A NEW BUSINESS
The period when the child stands on his feet and takes his first steps into the world. It is an incredibly exciting time for us. When the child walks on his own and puts distance between himself and his mother, the world is an incredible place for the child to explore. It becomes an arena. The child will be able to buy the toy he wants, come into contact with the object he wants, and go wherever he wants by stepping on the ground. As the little explorer moves away from his mother's borders, he examines the world with more enthusiasm, and most of the time, even falling or hitting his knee does not stop him. In the process, the child enters the period we call rapprochement. This period covers, on average, one to one and a half years of age. During the rapprochement period, the child begins to feel the sadness of separation from the mother. It oscillates between the feeling of being together with the mother again and the instinct of separation from the mother. During this process, if the mother allows the child to become independent, if she allows him to run and play on his own and sometimes move away and get closer, the steps the child takes into the world will be more solid, and the child will be more confident in everything he does from now on.
When he becomes an adult man or When she becomes an adult woman, when she applies for a job, when she opens her own business, when she makes an effort for the department she wants to study, she feels that her mother supports her, that you can do it on your own, if you need help, I'll have your back.
If the mother sees the world that the child instinctively creates. If the child does not support the child in the discovery story, if the child gets angry with the child because he walked away from the mother in the park, if the child gets angry with the child for going to the next room, when the child becomes an adult, he will feel the feeling of the punishing mother who is angry with him in everything he does for himself.
A NEW IDENTITY AND THERAPY IN THE PERSONALITY ACQUIRING PROCESS;
In therapy, the person first becomes aware of the emotions, behaviors and thoughts of others. He learns to discover his own pieces and do them more often, and to notice the pieces that belong to others every time and gradually stop doing them. When there are two people in the therapy room and the client experiences this with his therapist, he learns to remain in his own emotions in his relationships with other people and that he is not punished or offended for experiencing his own emotions. Therapy is a long journey. In this journey, the therapist sheds light on the client's path, and the client decides which path to choose.
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