What is a romantic relationship? What are its limits? In what situation does a relationship stop being a relationship and turn into oppression and violence? If you haven't thought about the answers to these questions before, please think about it. In our country, being in a romantic relationship with someone, dating, engagement, marriage, etc. is defined as two people becoming one body, two halves of an apple. However, the type of relationship we call romantic relationship is where two people should progress in a common area without losing their individuality. In other words, it is not about being a single body, but about sharing life in intersecting clusters. It is the meeting of partners in a common area while continuing their individual lives. Let's not forget that a relationship has three foundations; trust, love and respect. At the intersection of the two sets, for a happy relationship, these three must exist at the same time.
What if not?
When you ask people what keeps a relationship alive, their answer will be love. However, one of the most important foundations of a relationship is trust. Many problems in relationships arise not from a lack of love, but from a lack of trust. This, combined with the lack of respect, results in most relationships in which one partner commits emotional violence against the other. What is this emotional violence?
First of all, emotional violence does not mean yelling at your partner, wanting to break up with them, or fighting. Not everyone can get angry and remain steady all the time. Emotional violence is any kind of humiliating, threatening or intimidating behavior that continues for a certain period of time and involves an effort to control the other person. These behaviors bring with them feelings of insecurity, guilt, and lack of self-confidence. Among the controlling behaviors mentioned, we can count phone calls, stalking, and blaming the other person for unhappiness.
Emotional violence also progresses in a cycle like physical violence. The person who commits violence seems perfect at first, gains confidence, admires everyone, and then begins to make moves to weaken his partner. The face he shows to you is not the same as the face he shows to people, and when you tell people that you are subjected to emotional violence, they may not believe it because these people act very well and gain trust very well. You feel trapped, thinking you can't escape. When you decide to escape, use violence. The person who tells you seems to have suddenly changed, he keeps telling you, he tells you that everything will be different; He gets a second chance, even a third, fourth and fifth. Thus, you enter the cycle of violence. You may be in a situation where you don't know who to ask for help because it will alienate your friends, friends and even your family. For this reason, gaining awareness on this issue is very important, especially in our country. Because if he restricts you, interferes with who you meet, your clothes, your appearance, he constantly follows you, asking "where are you?" “who are you with?” If he persistently asks questions and overwhelms you, these are signs of emotional violence. Remember that not only women but also men can be victims of emotional violence. Nowadays, women can also act restrictively to control men's lives, especially through social media.
You can think about the following statements to understand whether you are experiencing emotional violence. The most prominent symptoms of emotional violence are:
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Continuous criticism or striving for manipulation and control
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Shaming and blaming , using derogatory language in front of people
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Verbal abuse, name-calling and labeling
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Not forgiving as punishment
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Punishments or threats of punishment
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Relationship is a dynamic process; Refusing one's own part in this dynamic process
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Trying to make you doubt yourself with mind games
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Refusing to communicate
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Isolating you by trying to keep distance between you and your friends
Remember that emotional violence is also a type of violence and can have serious consequences for you. Just as you should not be with a person who uses physical violence, you should not be with a person who is prone to emotional violence. Because you are valuable. Emotional violence can make you question your self-worth and destroy your self-confidence. Don't allow this. Remember that you are not alone.
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