A person who has been subjected to harassment and violence conveys his/her trauma. Societies also transmit their traumas to new generations. Morality is not an attractive thing. Surrendering to a language that emphasizes morality and not being able to surrender to friendship, sexuality and the other are due to the doubts passed from mother to child. Success sometimes arises from lack of self-confidence. A woman who thinks that anyone but her will harm her child, in order to raise and protect her child correctly, emphasizes that others are immoral. Spending money on others in order to be moral is not morality but hypocrisy. We commit fraud when we constantly tell the child to be moral.
We need to convey to our child that neither good nor evil can reside in a single body, and that it is not possible to fully define good and evil. In order for us to have morality, we need to be at peace with our own reality. Perhaps it is the only reality of the human child that there is good among the bad and bad among the good.
Adolescence is a crisis because identity problems may arise in the parents. Adolescence is a crisis because we say goodbye to one grief and hello to another. We are moving from the hell of childhood to the hell of adolescence. The adolescent has to conflict while defining himself. Conflict is a must for adolescents. This is a neuronal pruning crisis.
The young person struggles with the temperament traits he carries in his genes, the effects of his relationship with his caregiver, and the effects of his social environment, while also trying to adapt to the physical changes in his body. In this period when the connections of all these are reviewed, taking what is useful and pruning what is not useful, the adolescent needs solid boundaries to determine his own boundaries. The basic logic of conflict is to determine one's own limits by exceeding the parent's limits. As the baby grows, ghosts wander around his room. He lives with 14 of his parents. The invisible energies of the parents and their parents circulate in the baby's room. The information transferred is the content of the human child's genes shaped by sociocultural influences. Youth is the painful process in which this transfer is transformed into personality. In order to get through this period in a healthy way, parents need to confront themselves. It is possible with the courage to know. All around us are parents who deny their own adolescence and envy their children's adolescence
The biggest handicap of parents today is perhaps that they have not finished their own adolescence yet. Being a child when parents were cruel and being a parent when children were cruel gave this generation difficulty in finding an identity. This is where the fallacy of "I am my child's friend" is fed. Adolescents want consistency and continuity in relationships. Adolescents need their parents' guidance, not their friendship.
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