Parents are often advised and emphasized to set limits for their children. We see that the individual's self-control, awareness of responsibility and connection with reality develop more healthily in living environments where the rules are clear and distinct, compared to environments where there are not.
The spiritual border is where “I” ends and “Other” begins. It is a natural part of development. It is a line that separates me and the other, even if it is not visible, it is felt, felt and assumed. It is a dynamic structure that begins with the relationship between the baby and the caregiver and spreads throughout life, being learned, stretched and transformed.
Spirituality is a multi-layered and multi-dimensional phenomenon that does not depend on a single factor. Spiritual boundaries are only one dimension and are a psychological need. It is the way to know who you are. Because human is a social being. He forms himself by seeing what kind of person he is in the eyes of his caregiver. Especially in the first years of life, interconnectedness is intense. The baby and the caregiver are in a spiritual bond. At an early age, the human child feels the world it is born into as if it were an extension of itself. He is in a powerful, grandiose illusion such as "My mother exists because I am." However, life does not consist only of the kingdom he assumes. As he grows up, he will move away from seeing the figures with which he lives in spiritual adhesion as extensions of himself. For the formation of the self, it has to be separated from the state of being alone, from the intertwinedness of feelings, emotions and mind. The initiation, maintenance and reinforcement of spiritual separation is possible by the adults in the environment clearly stating what is allowed and what is not, what is appropriate and what is not. The limit set by the parent makes the child feel blocked. When it is presented in a clear and balanced way, the child experiences a feeling of being abused. This is not bad, on the contrary, it makes him grow up step by step. He encounters the fact that not everything in life can be as he wishes, and he learns to tolerate the obstacle and develop tolerance for the deprivation that comes with the obstacle. Childhood and youth are periods when we simultaneously desire to try and discover things and feel the need for parental approval. Desires are intense, but it is possible to realize them all. It is not fame. Unblocked desires and unforbidden desires put pressure on the child and young person over time. Because part of existing in life requires facing disappointments. A person who fulfills all his wishes will neither have a realistic perception of himself nor the world, and will experience disappointment more intensely and more severely than it actually is.
A healthy way to exist in the community is to adhere to spiritual boundaries. In addition to knowing where one's own boundaries begin and end, the individual must also know and respect the other person's boundaries. Consider that in communities that are intertwined and where the different and the other are not allowed, it becomes difficult to make oneself autonomous, to make one's voice heard, to assert oneself. A person who experiences anxiety about self-revelation moves away from creative thinking, production and creation. How can the individual exist where the self is not evident? Segregation cannot occur, everyone thinks the same, feels the same, being different is not allowed. If there is no separation, it becomes difficult to say no, it becomes difficult to think differently from others, it becomes difficult to express your opinion. In short, the self and self-development and uniqueness are interrupted.
A child can see the consequences of his own behavior thanks to the boundaries around him. When he cannot control his anger and becomes aggressive, he sees the consequences of his own choices, attitudes and behaviors through the reaction of his environment, his peers and the adults around him. Healthy boundaries set by the environment are a way for the child to feel safe and trust. Because from the child's eyes, the world is big. The child gradually begins to become autonomous and individualized from the bonded relationship with the parent. Parental support is not limited to just encouragement, it also means conveying to the child the characteristics of the environment and what is appropriate and what is not. Parents are careful about situations that may threaten their own safety, warn them, and prevent them if necessary. In this way, the child knows the size of the garden in which he will wander, feels comfortable, explores, touches and examines as much as he can. Let's assume that the child becomes confused and does not know what to believe when excessive tolerance or unbalanced anger is shown towards behaviors that may have dangerous consequences.
T� Despite its importance, setting boundaries is not always a simple action for the parent. Parents experience the difficulty of making decisions and choices amid various questions. He worries about whether he is boring his child with rules and limits, whether he is overly rule-based, whether he complains about being soft and whether he is unable to establish authority. These concerns are to give their child most of the things they felt deprived of when they were little, and to avoid disappointing their child. However, these inner voices must be controlled and boundaries must be clear. It is for the sake of the child. When the child realizes the psychological limits of himself and his environment, the world will be a safe, peaceful place for him to explore.
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