Psychiatrist Victor Frankl's phone rings late one night, and the voice on the other end of the phone says he's going to end his life but wants to talk a little. Frankl listens to the other person for a long time…
ALONESIAN is a feeling that every person experiences from time to time. With the Plandemi, people were pushed into more loneliness and isolated. So much so that we lived in separate rooms in the same house. People who had come together on special occasions before, have now started to organize events such as weddings, holidays, funerals and birthdays in the digital environment. Even the ceremony of asking a girl or defending the thesis...
Even though the blessings of technology are thought to be easy at first, because of the lack of emotion, people begin to not enjoy their work. Because the peace of being together, the "feeling" of sharing, hugging, drinking tea, shared happiness or sadness is missing. Distances and rules came between the human creature, which was going towards loneliness, thus making it even more isolated. According to Farabi, “man cannot reach all perfections in solitude without the help of other people; man needs neighborliness and unity with other people”. With this thought, Farabi emphasized the importance of unity and solidarity for human beings.
Previously, there was a concept called "neighborhood"; people took care of each other's troubles and happiness. They would talk and relax. Although the problems are not solved immediately, it would be a relief to share. Nowadays, people do not know their next-door neighbors, they avoid greeting or even meeting. However, what one expects is a smiling face and a sweet tongue. Even in this, mankind has become stingy. He wants to share his sorrows as well as his joys. When shared, joy increases and sadness decreases. When a person is in trouble, he receives support from another person, finds solace in his suggestions and starts to look at life more positively; This post makes him feel that he is not alone. Today, a person is sad because he cannot do this and cannot find someone to share his problem and guide him. It knocks on the door of any psychologist. Although this is a good situation for us in terms of supporting people, it is sad to witness their loneliness.
For example, while I was passing an aunt sitting in front of her door, I turned to ask her about her and saw that she was surprised. "I wonder if he didn't understand what I said?" As he thought, a look of both surprise and happiness appeared on his face. With a big smile, he said, "I'm fine, how are you?"
We say, “Alhamdulillah, we are Muslims,” but we do not live like Muslims. Just as we know that saluting is sunnah and we don't practice it… That aunt was happy to be noticed and asked about her sake by someone. I was happy that he had a smile on his face too. Especially the elderly feel very lonely. They think, "I don't have a job anymore, so I don't have to call and ask." However, loneliness is a problem not only for us, but also for the world. It is known that especially the young and old people experience a serious loneliness problem as a result of rapid global digitalization during the pandemic process. In fact, a "Ministry of Solitude" was established in the UK in 2018 and in Japan in 2021 regarding this issue.
“What is the psychological definition of loneliness?” If we look at it, we can say that it is the state of not being able to feel the basic psychological needs of human beings such as attachment, commitment, belonging, togetherness and closeness. In other words, it is the feeling that there is no one around to experience these things. The way of thinking that accompanies this feeling is a way of feeling accompanied by the thought of seeing oneself as inferior and weak from other people, such as “I am not worthy and worthy of love”.
What are the types of loneliness?
Engin Geçtan has classified loneliness as follows in his book "Being Human": it isolates by abstracting. People living alone feel loneliness.
Loneliness due to being excluded by the environment, loneliness by minimizing relations with the environment...
Real loneliness is when one feels not understood. and that he thinks he is lonely. Temporary loneliness is the positive kind of loneliness that is constructive and productive with one's own choice and will..."
What is healthy loneliness?
With one's own will, Healthy solitude is temporary and temporary seclusion to produce something. It is a fact that this process brings constructive productivity to the person. Sometimes people want to be alone with themselves, to settle accounts. The desire to be alone to read and write a book, the solitude of the painter who paints, or the solitude of the person who prays and prays gives peace. These are exceptional situations that are beneficial, constructive and peaceful.
If we go back to loneliness again... Loneliness kills conversation. The fact that there is no one around to share his success and happiness with makes a person unemotional. The things that a normal person enjoys seem meaningless and simple to that person. These prevent the person from living a healthy life, as well as lead the person to depression and make irreversible mistakes. As a result of selfish behaviors in the family and selfish thoughts such as "I want this" or "My choices", these people are condemned to loneliness. These people will have prepared their end with their own hands. Since these people do not have insight, they continue to live with their loneliness by blaming the other party.
Social support is an important concept in psychology. We can define social support as “helping the people around the individual in a situation of stress when he is in a difficult situation or unable to cope”. It makes us feel that we are not alone, that we are cared for, that we are loved, that we are respected, and that we have a bond with others. Our religion encourages people to be united and together and commands us to have relations of kinship and friendship, which we call "sila-i rahim". These are behaviors and emotions that take people away from loneliness, lead to unity and togetherness, and are good for the person.
The areas where people take shelter in escaping from the feeling of loneliness
Entering or maintaining unhealthy relationships : Chronic loneliness is associated with people with whom they would not normally want to have a relationship. they can stay in touch. When the feeling of loneliness is severe, in bilateral relations, without thinking, without questioning whether or not he will have a harmonious relationship with the other person, and regardless of whether he is a decent, reliable, conscious and aware of his responsibilities, he enters into a baseless, love and respect relationship with the person he meets. they can take the right path. For fear of being abandoned and being alone again, they feel compelled to say "yes" to anything offered to them, even if they don't want to. After a while, this relationship, which does not give them happiness and goes with one-sided self-sacrifice, becomes unbearable for them. On the one hand, he cannot leave because he is afraid of being alone, on the other hand, he continues his unhappy life.
To take shelter in substance: People sometimes take shelter in alcohol or other addictive substances in order to escape from or suppress the feeling of loneliness. They think the way to feel less pain is to numb. When they get rid of the influence of matter, they are left alone with reality again. Substance use has serious consequences both financially and morally, and they face it over time. Sometimes, when the situation starts to become unbearable, they come to seek psychological support. When they want to get out of their deadlock and make an effort, we get very good and positive results. Intention and willingness are important here. There is no progress with those who set out with the idea of "I will continue to use drugs, and when I get confused, I go to get psychological support from time to time". It's like one-sided rowing and you can't go forward or backward. The important thing is to never start substance use.
To keep the mind and body busy with tiring works: They resort to this way with the thought, "The more I tire myself or keep my mind busy, the more I fill the void inside me and I forget". Repressed emotions, every emotion that is not confronted, after a while, appears as both physical and psychological problems. Getting psychological support instead of tiring your mind and body will prevent future health problems. One of my clients, who lives with her cat, told me how to cope with this feeling of loneliness after losing her cat, "I give myself to heavy, tiring work. I thought I would get rid of this feeling if I did," he explains, for example. He works hard and gets very tired both physically and mentally. As a result, she suffers from both physical and mental health problems.
“Loneliness, a moment in life/ Always starting over/ Undetectable from the outside.
Or a big lie/ As I kick it out chasing/ Not shared. (Özdemir Asaf)
Psychiatrist Victor Frankl's phone rings late one night, and the voice on the other end of the phone says he is going to end his life but wants to talk a bit. Frankl listens for a long time. Close to the shutdown, the caller says, “I gave up,” and the caller says, “If a person can listen to me for this long at this late hour of the night, it means there is still hope in this world.” (Victor Frankl, 1967)
There is always hope and a way out in this short worldly life where time flies like water and happiness and goodness multiply by sharing.
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