What makes a memory bad or painful?
Imagine you are doing a puzzle. Now remove a few pieces of this puzzle and replace them with irrelevant pieces that don't fit there at all. If you are a relaxed and careless person, the finished image of the puzzle will not disturb you, but assuming you are obsessed with symmetry, this image will disturb you incredibly and you will want to replace these incompatible pieces as soon as possible. Every moment that you cannot change will disturb you significantly.
The whole life we live is the finished version of this puzzle and memories are the pieces of this puzzle. If a memory is incorrectly or incorrectly established, it will disturb us. The extent to which this piece disturbs us will vary depending on our personality traits and the way the memory is stored. For some of us, it is very painful to be betrayed by a friend, while for others, it is very painful to lose a loved one. There are no big or small painful traumas, there are big and small effects of that memory on the person. For this reason, not every person experiences the same event in the same way and does not remember it in the same way.
Why are painful memories not forgotten or continue to cause pain as long as they are remembered?
Our brain stores the events we experience along with our emotions as protein particles. The event we call memory consists of these stored protein particles and is sent to the memory center as it occurs. In cases where this memory will be reminded voluntarily or unintentionally, it is removed from the storage and remembered. A memory is not only stored with our senses such as sight, sound, smell and touch, but also with our 'FEELINGS' such as anger, joy and sadness experienced at the time of the event. Therefore, when we remember it again, these feelings come to the surface again along with the memory. And sometimes we feel as if we are reliving that memory. In fact, in some cases, it can become so vivid that we feel as if it is happening to us again.
Also, when a memory is stored, it is stored with the 'THOUGHTS' we experience at that moment, in addition to our sensations and emotions. For example; This is the moment when our lover announces his decision to leave us It is engraved in our minds. Along with this memory, the feeling of 'sadness' we felt at that moment is also stored. When our lover tells us, "I don't desire you because you're overweight," a thought like "I'm ugly" that we think at that moment is also stored. Over time, the thought of 'I am ugly' takes over our lives with every person we like, and over time, this thought becomes unrealistic as 'No one likes me because of my appearance'. For this reason, that memory disturbs us every time we look at the picture as a misplaced piece of the puzzle. Every time we remember, the painful image of that memory, the painful feeling of 'sadness' and the painful thought of 'nobody loves me' take over our minds. How can we get rid of it?
Here I use a scientifically proven method called EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing), or in Turkish, 'Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing'. I explain how this method works and what effects it will have during the treatment. If you give me the image of the memory you are experiencing, the feeling it gives you and the unrealistic thought that arises, I can draw a picture of it and erase it before your eyes. What I mean by erasing here is not destroying the memory. The memory will always be there, but all the negative and painful sensations and emotions it makes you feel now will change. When a dysfunctional and unrealistic thought such as 'No one loves me' is changed to 'There are people who love me too' or 'There will be people who love me too', it will not disturb that moment again. In other words, the wrong piece in the puzzle has been replaced with the correct piece.
What is this EMDR method?
EMDR technique is neurobiological research and neuroimaging. It is a method whose effectiveness has been shown through studies. The effect of EMDR is based on changing disturbing thoughts that are incorrectly stored in memories. We have received satisfactory results from hundreds of people we have worked with so far. We shared some of these results with the academic world and had them published in scientific articles. Thus, we made significant contributions to the development of this technique. We howled. We have seen that, to a large extent, feelings of discomfort and negative thoughts do not reoccur in people treated with the EMDR method.
Who applies the EMDR method?
In correct, ethical, honest, scientific and professional hands, this method can be a very effective treatment method. Methods that affect a person's psychological and biological health, such as EMDR, should be applied by clinically experienced people. The people who teach us our profession are our clients and patients. A therapist can exist as much as he learns from his patients and clients. A medical doctor gains almost all of his experience and competence from his patients. There is a saying in medical literature; 'There is no disease, there are patients'. This phrase reminds us how important and valuable our clinical experiences are.
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