Relationships are like a ping-pong game. When the other side accelerates, you either accelerate or slow the ball down. This mutual tempo continues without stopping, until one of the two sides quits the game. In parent-child communication, it is usually the parent who drops the game. That's how it should be, but what's wrong is often leaving the game unslowed down. Slowing down the tempo is achieved through healthy communication with the child. The child who feels truly understood surrenders himself to the parent and knows his limits.
Giving the child the freedom to express himself in the family environment, asking the child's opinion in decisions that concern the family, and listing the options are important. Determination is equally important. It is the family that determines the tempo of ping pong played with the child, who knows what to do and where not to do. While the parent feels awareness fatigue regarding many situations throughout the day, the child can direct all his energy to his wishes and speed up the game without stopping. While conflict moves towards the inevitable, giving up and procrastinating begins to become the parent's routine. Mother and father may become inconsistent in their responses to the child depending on daily energy changes. The child who realizes this begins to change the rules of the game. However, what he wants is to be forced.
In today's conditions, it is very simple for parents to access data about child development. We are in a period where there are dozens of books, articles, psychologists, pedagogues, psychiatrists and counselors, and the internet makes it easier for us to access all kinds of information about children. Ironically, we are in a period where it becomes more and more difficult to be effective as a parent, to be a guide, to be competent and to feel that no step is missed. However, archetypal parental behavior lies at the core. The inner voice is much more important than all that is written or said. In essence, psychology begins with evaluating each individual as a single entity. Categorizing behaviors, diagnoses and criteria is just to make the job easier. Every parent and every child is special. Relationships are special. When left to flow, Mother and father know when to sleep with the child and when not to, when to say no and when to set rules, in which situations the child uses himself, which cry is sincere and which is not. As time management becomes more difficult and the time spent with the child decreases, learning by experience has inevitably been replaced by a rapid rush to knowledge. While today's knowledge focuses on the freedom of the child, it has begun to distance parents from their own roles.
The child who assumes the role of parent and draws his own boundaries loses his way.
- The rule of the game, which is accepted under all circumstances. The tension of the self-determining child increases day by day.
- His expectations become unrealistic.
- The child's wishes cease to be customized according to his preferences, the child begins to not know what he wants, when and why he wants it, expects his wishes to be fulfilled instantly and begins to have difficulties.
- He often has difficulty making decisions.
- He feels inadequate about what he can do and constantly expects others to serve him.
- In the home environment, whichever of his parents decides according to his rules. He knows that she will act and prefers to continue his communication with her. It often reduces their respect for that person.
- Children, who adopt their own guidelines regarding the rules at home, experience intense disappointment when they are faced with the rules in a social environment, for example at school, which is the most obvious reason for school reluctance.
- They consume their energy by working very hard to attract the attention of everyone around them.
- Their desires begin to take the form of orders. While this situation causes them to become selfish, it hinders their empathy development.
- They develop a rebellious and anxious personality.
Raising a parent-controlled child should not mean getting a parent-controlled child's bicycle. As they hold the hands of children climbing the stairs on their own, when they interrupt them when they could order their own food, when they interrupt them when they can tie their own shoes, even though we know they can do it. It is a fact that the more we help people, the weaker they are. But knowing how fine a line it is to grant freedom and setting boundaries is the greatest wealth we can give.
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