In the child's world, the word reward has no meaning at first; The meaning of this word begins to gain meaning by accomplishing a task, doing something desired, pleasing others, and achieving situations without angering them. If the child meets the desired conditions, he/she will get what he/she wants and be happy. Then, he does what he is told to do for the sake of the desired reward, wins and receives the reward, and this cycle continues over and over again. Reward addiction begins to form in this process, and the child focuses on expecting a reward at the end of each behavior. In fact, if after a while he is not rewarded for something he has done, he starts to get angry and feel worthless. The main reason for this is that the child's behavior and skill have turned into doing it for the attractiveness of your promises.
He is attached to receiving approval, being accepted, removing obstacles, and seeing his reward as a concrete expression of these, not because he wants it or finds it logical. Just like computer games. While children close themselves to the screen for hours, they actually try to confirm their selves. This reward is received from the screen as you pass the level and win. Even if the player dies, he starts over, tries again, and eventually passes the level. Achieving something and feeling valuable proves oneself with rewards. Especially how is the error reward method done?
The reward method is very useful if used correctly. The first step here is for families to ask themselves, "What are we awarding for and for what?" They question: Generally, when you study your lessons, get good grades, sit well, eat your food, and listen to others; Chocolate, toys, going to the park and junk food are considered the biggest rewards. First of all, it is necessary to look at what children recognize as rewards. Afterwards, parents unknowingly enter into the struggle for their children, my child is better. As a result of this struggle, if the child is the best among his peers, the reward is provided by increasing the love, respect, acceptance and approval he will receive at home. Instead of providing positive behavior by giving rewards, the child is provided with instant gratification. Therefore, the old behavior becomes conditional and provides a temporary gain for the child.
Another of the most common mistakes made about rewards is that rewards constantly affect the child's personality. The fact that it is given to e. For example, you say to your child, "You are great, you are super", what is great and super? When he thinks like this, his own self begins to inflate and narcissistic personality traits begin to form. Because you are praising his personality, not his work, his skill, his effort, his effort, his attention. Therefore, if I do this, I will be a super, perfect child. These showers of praise fuel the child, inflate his ego, and make him feel that he has a unique talent and that no one is as good as him. When he encounters a failure, he cannot tolerate it. That's why awards and praise should be given to the work and effort done, not to the personality, and this should be emphasized.
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