I will explain in detail what I mean by the border, but first of all, I would like to point out that the "border" has a valuable importance not only between husband and wife, but also in the relationships we establish in all areas of life. Perhaps we read and use the word "limit" most often when it comes to "limits placed on children". However, "limit" is a valid and important concept for every living being born until death.
Border actually begins with the border that separates us from space, that is, our body. Afterwards, it manifests itself in many areas such as emotional border, relational border, psychological border, country border.While its presence brings comfort and balance, in its absence, we experience confusion, anxiety and unhealthy intertwined relationships.
WHAT IS HAPPINESS?
If you ask me what happiness is, I would say that a person knows himself, is satisfied with this definition, and is accepted with this definition in his relationships. Happiness is nothing more than the balance on this triple trivet.
Happiness is the limit, the limit is happiness...
In marriage, the limit shows itself on a very thin line. In other words, misinterpreting the limit as well as the limitlessness causes faulty communication.
People are individuals before they become someone's wife, husband or parents. They have sensitivities, expectations, needs and desires about themselves. All these are details that determine one's own limits.
TELL ME YOUR LIMITS AND I WILL TELL YOU WHO YOU ARE!
My first suggestion to spouses on this subject is to recognize each other's limits. This is only possible with mutual sincerity and honesty. It is possible to say that spouses who are honest about their own boundaries, especially in the pre-marriage period, feel safer in marriage. For example, for a vegetarian person, the dishes that can be cooked at home are a limit. It is very important for the person to know, recognize and protect this boundary, first for himself and then for his relationship.The person who must protect the boundary is first of all the person himself.
Unfortunately, most relationships do not start on a rational basis. Spouses do not speak openly to each other and do not follow an attitude of protecting their boundaries at the very beginning of the relationship. This is also a person It causes people to get married without knowing each other's sensitivities, that is, without knowing each other's boundaries. The outcome of a relationship that starts by postponing the most important thing is disappointment in most cases.
“He didn't watch matches before marriage.” ; “He didn't mention that he didn't care about special occasions before he got married, and he did care then.” These examples can go on and on. If you are feeling relieved by watching a match, telling your partner this from the very beginning will help him/her to know, recognize and accept your source of coping with stress. Or, if special days are torture for you and you are not someone who will give gifts every year on the anniversary of your meeting in the long run, saying this at the beginning is a prerequisite to avoid all possible troubles. “I don't like giving gifts on special occasions. Instead, I can surprise you when you least expect it. Do you mind? The initial reaction of someone who says this will be much more positive and sincere than the reaction of someone whose spouse forgot their first wedding anniversary.
LIMITS ARISING WITH MARRIAGE!
If If you are someone who says "Yes" to everything and adapts to every idea until you get married, and you say, "After marriage, I will eventually adopt my true characteristics." If you have such a thought, I am sorry to say that the outcome of this will be disappointment.
The world of boundaries is very interesting thatthe return of a once broken boundary is limitlessness or conflict.In other words, for both your spouse and yourself. It is very important to be honest at the very beginning of the journey.
BORDER VIOLATION!
Differences are the spice of life. Therefore, your boundaries may conflict in many situations. This doesn't mean you don't make a good couple. What matters is “the way you protect your boundaries.” Your partner may also make demands from you that require boundary violations. This is more possible, especially in the first years of marriage, as couples do not know each other well. However, if you say “No!” in order not to offend your partner. If you don't know where to say it well, you can be sure that you will wear out your partner, your relationship and yourself more in the long run.
MARRIAGE IS A LIMIT IN ITS OWN!
But, this is important here. There is a point. I s� When I explain the boundary issue, sometimes one of the spouses says, “I don't like going on family vacations. Let my wife go alone, I will go alone. “This is my limit.” He can say. In this case, my answer is this. “Marriage is a limit in itself. If you have difficulty in fulfilling the requirements of this limit, you should consider the idea of staying in the system.”
Being married is the limit of the spouses' legal commitment to comply with some general rules and meet each other's emotional needs.
So if you have boundaries that conflict with some of the requirements of marriage, or if meeting the needs of the other party is only possible for you by violating your boundaries, then you do not have a suitable design for this system. This doesn't make you a worse or better person. However, you should also protect this boundary against the expectations of society or your own family regarding your marriage.
For this reason, it is very important for people to determine their own boundaries correctly in order to make the right decision about whether to marry or not.
I wish you all peaceful days where you value your boundaries.
Stay with love.
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