The person with the personality trait we call borderline does not have a consistent and integrated sense of self and other. He feels himself in one of two extremes, sometimes good and sometimes bad. Sometimes he is very self-confident, sometimes he does not trust himself at all. Sometimes it feels so beautiful, sometimes it feels so ugly. When asked what kind of person he is, he cannot give consistent answers and uses contradictory words.
His self-worth depends on other people's attitudes towards him. While the other person perceives himself as a valuable and loved person as long as he does what he wants, when the other behaves differently than he expects, he perceives himself as a worthless and bad person. In other words, when the other person looks at him well, he perceives himself as good, when he looks bad, he perceives himself as bad.
Likewise, he perceives other people as sometimes good and sometimes bad. His feelings for other people, especially his close relationships, are either black or white. There are no intermediate colors. It is in all or nothing mode.
It attracts the most attention with its variability. It's like he has more than one personality. Their emotions and behaviors change and contradict each other very often. Sometimes, when he is very good, happy and pleasant, he may feel an intense feeling of emptiness, meaninglessness and boredom that he cannot make sense of right after, so he becomes sad, unhappy and angry. And these changes can be very frequent during the day, or sometimes every few days. They give opposite reactions to the same event. Sometimes it is very kind, sometimes it is very cruel. Sometimes they praise the same person to the sky, sometimes they put him in the ground. He says about the boy who plays the same game, sometimes he plays beautifully, and sometimes he messes up the whole place again, he is naughty.
When he notices a few things that fit him with someone he has just met, he immediately becomes best friend and chats as if he is a forty-year-old friend, shares his secrets, limits. intertwines. Then, all of a sudden, he cools off from that person and walks away. He becomes intimate very quickly and leaves very quickly. Their relationship doesn't last long. In a small negativity to himself, he may have hostile feelings towards the person he is very close to. He does not evaluate people in all aspects, but only by their behavior towards himself. For example, while praising a person who has many negative features, who uses drugs or shows violence, just because he is interested in himself, he gives people It can disgrace someone with generally positive qualities who do useful work for not being interested in him. Because of this, he clings to his loved ones a lot, often choking them. When he cannot reach his friend whenever he wants, he immediately perceives himself on the bad end, he thinks that he is not wanted and loved. In general, he does not see his friend's positive features and does not answer his call, putting him on the bad end.
Cannot tolerate loneliness. A false sociability prevails. When you are alone with yourself, feelings of emptiness, boredom, meaninglessness, and dissatisfaction arise. In order to escape from these feelings, there is a need to socialize, to call someone immediately and escape from loneliness. It doesn't matter who he calls or talks to. It is enough for him to approve it at that moment and take it to the good end.
Uses sexuality as a tool. He has random sexual relationships not out of sexual desire, but out of need for intimacy and love. The person with borderline personality disorder either does not have a sexual life or is very problematic. Excessive shopping is the most harmless of these. The risk of suicide is high.
What is the reason?
The first caregiver in the early developmental period is usually the mother in this culture, the relationship with her is irregular, inconsistent and too much and intense negative emotions affect the personality development of the person negatively.
One month after the baby is born, his mind begins to record everything that happens around him, with its emotional tone, like an empty camera. He takes the feelings of all family members, especially his mother. It doesn't matter who the emotion belongs to and whether it's good or bad. After a few months, he can separate these feelings into good feelings and bad feelings. As he gets older, he can distinguish who owns good and bad feelings. For example, a well-behaved mother feels good, so the mother is good, and a bad-behaving mother feels bad, so the mother herself is bad. It's like there are two different mothers, two different selves. However, what these two mothers are actually one mother; nor good and k� He/she may perceive himself/herself as a single person with all emotions. In this sense, everyone around the age of 3 is a borderline. This integration is expected to be achieved until the age of 5 in the normal development process. If he receives more positive emotions from the experiences with the mother between the ages of 0-5, he can tolerate the emotion of negative experiences and provide integration. What hinders integration is an excess of bad emotions. So, when we talk about borderline personality disorder, we can think of a pause in development.
Another thing that needs to be examined is the mental state of the caregivers. The child is a mirror and the inner world of the caregiver is reflected in this mirror. If the mother is inconsistent and reacts to the same event with an angry laugh, the child becomes confused. The child learns to be borderline from the first caregiver. The risk of borderline is high in children who are occupied or neglected.
How does it affect the person?
Chaos prevails in the inner and outer world of a person with borderline personality disorder. Although he has difficulty in regulating his emotions and his main desire is to establish a loving relationship, he is placed in very different places in the society because he shows an aggressive and angry impulsiveness and experiences frequent emotional volatility. As a result, depending on the severity of the symptoms, he/she experiences psychosocial difficulties in the work world, family, social and romantic relationships, and is mostly ostracized and lonely.
Read: 0
