We call them "child" until the age of 12. We grow up and become adults through adolescence, which starts after childhood, and the process of becoming an adult, that is, an individual, that starts after the age of 18. Sometimes we can't, we become "Peter Pan".
Do you remember? There was a cartoon we watched when we were kids. Name: Peter Pan. Have you ever heard of Peter Pan Syndrome? As you understand, this syndrome takes its name from Peter Pan, the adventurous hero of literature who refuses to grow up and always wants to remain a child. It usually emerges as a new phenomenon among people and women aged between 25-40.
People who reject the responsibilities of adulthood and choose to continue their lives as in the carefree years of their childhood live with this syndrome.
>I suggest you take a look before making it cute by saying "My partner is someone who doesn't kill the child inside him." You call it the child within, but in our opinion, they are a complete "boomerang generation", that is, they leave their father's home, but after a while, they return to the same place again, just like a boomerang. When he gets married, he constantly needs to return to his mother's house / father's house. For this reason, there are usually Peter Pan people in the stories of marriages that ended without becoming a family due to the fights that arose.
Peter Pan people; It consists of children and adults who want to stop time and are in trouble with their responsibilities.
These people are fun as long as they are treated like children. The situation will become boring when he is expected to act like an adult. People with Peter Pan Syndrome cannot get past the growing and maturing part. These people are extremely afraid of the word "responsibility". It's as if they disappear when they take responsibility. There are also fears of commitment. They avoid commitment as if it were a plague and would infect them. They oppose anything that requires responsibility and commitment, thinking that it will restrict their freedom. It is more common in men than women.
Now let's take a look at how we can understand a potential Peter Pan
Child Adult with Emotional Maturity - What do Peter Pan people do?
Fear of Commitment
As we mentioned above, this tio makes a person thrive on commitment. He feels a great fear. It doesn't mean they don't want to have a relationship. They can relate, it's possible. However, there will come a time when they say that it should always remain the same, responsibilities should not increase, lifestyle should not change, and they should not progress any further.
This fear of commitment means that they will avoid getting married, buying a house together, or doing things that will strengthen the relationship but take away their "freedom".
They are manipulators.
Peter Pan, who will seem very attractive to you at first, is a manipulator who is afraid of change, underneath his fun and smart personality. It's only a matter of time before you confront them.
They usually like to laze around. For example, for work; “What should I do, should I become a workaholic?” They try to justify their inability to be permanent in a job or to be promoted by saying.
They are thoughtful
They are quite thoughtful, but only about themselves. They don't think in detail for you. Even when giving a gift to someone, they choose something that they will like and use. It is possible that the person receiving the gift will not care about the gift.
They are temperamental
These people are very temperamental. They become very attached to their belongings for a while, and then when they find something better, they throw them away and show interest in new things.
You may hear for a few weeks that your childhood dreams have come true and that you have the thing you want the most, but then you may say that this is not what you want and look for something completely different.
He compares you to his family
He often thinks about his family when you talk about them. “That's what my mother says..”, “You're just like my father..” may find themselves in a parental conflict with you.
They are against the order
They hate the order. A regular life, a regular job, a regular income, or a regular relationship are not for them. They feel that their freedom has been taken away.
They do not like rules
Marriage rules, business rules, relationship rules, social rules seem ridiculous to them and they do not want them.
What Do Emotionally Mature Adult People Do?
They leave their past behind
Any past time is better Holding on to the idea that it is will cause us emotional pain today. It prevents us from being free and leaving the past behind, and throws us into the well that we think is very deep in panic.
This looking back and not leaving the past behind causes us emotional vertigo. People with emotional maturity stop looking at the past, so they close these pages, heal their wounds, and stop pointing fingers at the sore places.
They cannot leave the past behind without confronting it
People who lack emotional maturity think that looking back at the past is a waste of time, and they do not feel the need to put their past in order. But this only means that the dirt in your emotional past accumulates and creates a huge mountain of pain.
If you do not review and question what is in your inner world, you cannot escape from it, on the contrary, you will cause the negative aspects of your emotional past to harm your present. And it certainly takes away from the positive space and it hurts, it hurts a lot.
So, when you've learned enough from the pain, go inward to heal your emotional history and go one step higher.
They don't keep complaining.
They either change it or accept it. If you are emotionally mature, you realize that complaining leads you into a dark labyrinth. We are what we think, and emotionally mature people have experienced this. If you process more and complain less, it means you are growing emotionally.
They have the luxury of making mistakes
If you realize that making mistakes is a way of learning, you are mature. . Because making mistakes is not a crime; It is another way to understand life's journey. Accept your limits and strive to improve them. Mistakes are opportunities to grow.
They open up emotionally
If you realize that emotional shields belong to the past and only complicate your life journey, you are maturing. So stop being afraid of commitment and love, trust yourself and others.
Emotional maturity helps you take the reins of life, your own worldview, and your ability to succeed. It allows you to have a great passion for it. As your emotional maturity develops, life becomes pleasure rather than work.
Emotional maturity does not develop while we sleep. It requires study, practice and patience.
We move from childhood to adolescence. From adolescence, we either pass into Peter Pan or become Adults. If we are having trouble becoming an adult, we should not forget that we need help from an expert. I know you say this is the area of trust. Don't let my comfort be disturbed. You worry that my life will turn upside down. However, Şems-i Tabrizi said; Don't worry that my order will be disrupted or my life will be turned upside down. How do you know that life won't be better on its bottom than on its top?
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