Lie; Although they are known to be false, they are words said to mislead people. Although it is stated that children can also lie, when the word meaning of the lie is considered, it is not considered correct to define the words that do not reflect the truth told by children until a certain age as lies. Considering the characteristics of the developmental periods children go through, although there are individual differences, the earliest age is considered to be seven years old in order to think that the child is lying. Because generally, by the age of seven, concrete thinking skills begin to develop in children. So, in order to be able to evaluate lies and children correctly, first of all, it is necessary to have information about children's mental development periods and lying behavior.
Mental Development Periods and Lying in Children
Sensory-Motor Period (0-2 years): In this period, children give repetitive behavioral reactions to their experiences such as seeing, hearing and tasting. Behaviors in this period are based on the words spoken and for learning purposes and imitating someone else. At this age, it is not possible for children to deceive others or to lie. Because children are in the phase of recognizing and making sense of the world at the age of 0-2. They do not have a real awareness of what is right or wrong.
Pre-Operational Period (2-7 years): In this period, children often think about situations in an egocentric way. In short, they are aware of their own mind and thought structures, but they cannot be fully aware of other people's feelings and thoughts. Even if they can distinguish other people's feelings and thoughts, they often cannot understand that other people's feelings and thoughts can be different from their own. They see themselves as the cause of the events and evaluate the events from their own perspective. In this age period, believing that situations that do not exist in real life, which we call daydreaming and magical thinking, are real, can be observed. At the same time, there may be an inability to distinguish between living and non-living things, also called animism.
For example, a child in the age group of 2-7 may think that his toy is upset or is eating. Children in this period may have thoughts that natural events, also called artificialism, are made by other forces. It is not used consciously and in the adult sense. Here, there may be different motivation sources behind the unreal situations being told by children as real. For example, situations such as a child's desire to have a desired situation, the inability to distinguish between the real and the unreal, and the desire to receive an award may be some of these motivation sources.
Concrete Operations Period (7-11 years old). ): This is a period when children start school, understand logical and concrete situations and perform concrete operations. In the concrete operational stage, children can perform various operations on the situation or objects they perceive with their sense organs. For example, they can do the picking with their fingers, they can understand the growth of a plant by observing it. In this period, with the development of thinking skills, the difference between lie and truth can be fully understood by children. Children's ability to distinguish between right and wrong about their own words and behaviors usually occurs between the ages of 10-11. For this reason, children up to the age of 10-11 can generally use lies for different purposes such as to be appreciated or not punished.
Abstract Operations Period (11-12 years and later): In this period, children are no longer They can also become aware of abstract situations that they do not perceive with their sense organs and can think about them. They can have a real awareness of other people's thoughts and feelings, understand values, and begin to form their own values. They can develop behaviors in accordance with the values they have created. They can realize the reality behind the visible, and if they want, they can understand that they can mislead people for their own gain. They can consciously manage their actions and words by distinguishing between right and wrong. This mental arrival The concept of lie can be started to be used in the real sense of the word starting from the abstract operational period in line with its characteristics. should be evaluated. For many reasons, children can express a situation different from reality as if it were real. Understanding the reasons behind these behaviors of children is important in order to choose the right interventions after the lying behavior.
Why Do Children Lie?
Children may lie or express different situations from reality for the following reasons:
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Parents or those around them observing that people lie for various reasons,
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Desire to attract the attention and attention of parents or authority figures (teacher, caregiver, etc.),
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Avoid punishment, warning, verbal, physical or emotional violence,
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Desire to gain approval and appreciation of parents,
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Unrealized dream and the existence of desires,
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Desires for unfulfilled emotional needs,
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Desire to be accepted by a person or group,
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Demanding permission from their parents for various reasons, thinking that they will not allow them,
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Excessive interference by parents in their living spaces etc.
What should parents do to prevent children from resorting to lies?
Parents should be role models in telling their children the truth so that their children do not resort to lies;
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p>From early childhood, they should always speak encouragingly to their children about what it means to be honest.
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They should make sure that their behavior aligns with what parents expect from their children.
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Parents should take care that their expectations from their children are balanced with the child's existing capacity.
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Parents' � �They should be careful that the responsibilities they give to their children are at a level that their children can afford.
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Parents should not forget that children can make mistakes just like everyone else.
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Children's children can make mistakes. Instead of punishing and advising their mistakes, they should try to understand the reasons for this mistake.
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Parents should try to think more about solutions rather than dwelling on their children's mistakes.
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They should be careful not to compare their children with other children.
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Pay attention to the emotional and physical needs of their children, which vary according to their age, and try to make sure that parents can adequately meet these needs.
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Parents should observe when children boldly speak the truth, even if they misbehave. Thus, they should encourage their children to always tell the truth by praising their honest behavior.
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They can appreciate the little things that children are good at, and reward their goodwill and right behavior in difficult matters without turning it into a bribe from time to time.
How Should Parents Behave in the Face of Children's Lying?
Even though the parents are very careful and sensitive towards their children not to lie, they still do not tell the truth or lie from time to time. can be seen. When children do not tell the truth, parents can pay attention to the following suggestions:
Children's behavior should not be judged in the face.
In the form of lies Punishment with harsh and negative reactions to the observed behaviors should be avoided.
Try to find a solution to the main problem by focusing on the main reasons that are effective in revealing this lie.
Rather than giving advice Attention should be paid to listening to children and understanding children's feelings.
If the situation being lied to is a fantasy or expresses a wish: “You imagined it to be so.” or “You want it so badly Children should be connected to reality by saying, "You say so." p>
If the child continues to lie despite all these factors being taken into account, then there may be deeper emotional problems underlying this situation. When these emotional problems are not resolved, it may be more difficult for the parents to identify the reasons for the lie or to intervene in the lie.
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