Holiday has arrived and is knocking on the doorstep. On Friday, millions of families and students will receive their report cards with exciting and complex emotions, even though their grades are known. The grades taken on the report card are not only the
grades of the children, but also a reflection of the family relationships at home, the effective time spent with the child, and the relationships between the mother and father; report. The first thing families worry about is the bad grades on the report cards
and instead of seeing the "5"s directly, we see threes, twos, ones and react to them. Many families consider even a four
grade. It's negative for them because we expect children to be perfect.
The first thing the family should do is to respond positively to the fives and fours they receive and thank them
for positive grades. Seeking perfection should not prevent us from seeing the good. If the family is aware of the child's bad grades and constantly focuses on the negative, the child will see himself as a failure. Not reacting to good grades
discourages the child. But if there is no reaction to negative grades, there is definitely a good grade that can be praised. If that
is found and mentioned, the child will make an effort to correct the bad grade because it is appreciated. Giving rewards, punishments, attention and love to children according to their grades
in case of a mistake will cause negative wounds in the child's personality
. In particular, we need to give love and attention unconditionally. Because it is an attack on the most basic need
withholding love and leads to serious problems. Families should keep in mind that it is not a note or lesson, what matters is healthy relationships with their children. And that their children are happy. This happiness should not be with grades.
What a painful event that happened in Bursa. How sad is the girl who fell into depression and committed suicide because she got bad grades from TEOG. As society and families, we are all guilty because everything is grades and lessons. This is a very heavy thing for our children. Because adolescent suicides can directly result in killing oneself. The lives of our
children? Getting good grades? It is more important.
First of all, let them rest with the children during the holiday. Rather than spending time on computers, phones and TV, they will engage in social
activities (social activities with little or no lessons should be preferred), and they will play with age groups
Environments and opportunities should be created where they can spend time. In addition to telling the child not to play on the computer, create an alternative to the computer. The family should leave the phone and computer first. Play games as a family, spend time together. It is very important for the child to do the lesson in short, concise and voluntary manner during the holiday. It is very important that you accompany him with activities. Of course, these should be arranged and adjusted according to the age group of the children.
Wrong Reactions to the Report Card
To scare and threaten the student, your child, with a low grade before receiving the report card
/> first triggers their fears and concerns to increase.
For example;
“ You must bring a nice report card. Otherwise, my efforts for you will be in vain.”
“You must have the best report card in the class; "Nobody should pass you."
"If you have bad grades on your report card, I won't like you, I won't do what you want."
"I don't want a single low grade on your report card, otherwise I won't see you."
"If you have bad grades on your report card, I won't care about anything. I'm not interested.”
After things like this; The child's sense of unconditional love and trust in his family is damaged when he waits for his report card with fear. The child begins to feel and think that he is as valuable in his family as the grades on his report card. He begins to believe that he must bring a good report card just to be valued
rather than being successful for his goals. Sometimes, without realizing it, families create performance pressure on the child, which they evaluate with a grade
. When the family does not see the success they expect from the child, they begin to judge the child and criticize him/her mercilessly. This may push children into behaviors such as hiding the truth or lying. At the same time, the child begins to compare everything and see himself as worthless. Excessive preoccupation with report cards and
grades will cause serious harm to the development of your child's personality.
What are the ways to turn a bad report card into a positive?
To scare the child with a low grade before he gets his report card, Threatening triggers an increase in fears
and anxiety before getting a report card.
For example;
“ You should bring a nice report card. Otherwise, my efforts for you will be in vain.”
“You must have the best report card in the class; No one should surpass you.”
“ If you have bad grades on your report card, I won't like you, I won't do what you want."
"I don't want a single low grade on your report card, otherwise I won't be noticed."
"If you have bad grades on your report card, I won't care about anything about you."
Waiting for your report card with fear The child's sense of unconditional love and trust in his family is damaged.
The child, who begins to feel and think that he is as valuable in his family as the grades on his report card
begins to believe that he must bring a good report card just to be valued, instead of being successful for his goals
. Sometimes, without realizing it, families create performance pressure on the child, which they evaluate with a grade
. When the family does not see the success they expect from the child, they begin to judge the child and criticize him/her mercilessly. This may push children into behaviors such as hiding the truth or lying.
Try to step back a little and look at the events from a third perspective and try to evaluate the situation from another perspective.
First, review the report card with your child. . Don't comment
Ask him about his favorite classes. Check if you are successful in these courses. However, if it is bad, do not comment
Verbally reward positive behavior, good points, and grades. If you look well, there will be positive 3's and 4's somewhere on the report card. You can evaluate even the short number of days of absence as a positive.
After seeing the positive aspects of the report card, try to keep your anger under control
about the negativities. Don't react
Express your expectations using appropriate and I language. But these expectations should be appropriate for him/her. From time to time, children may think that you have too much expectation, and this may cause them to be completely distracted from their lessons
. Not sharing your expectations with him may mean that you are not interested in him or that you think his success in the course is unimportant. He/she will not attach importance to something that you
do not attach importance to. Show your child that you are not only interested in his/her lessons.
THE MOST IMPORTANT THING IS DO NOT REACT TO THE LESSONS THAT WILL HARM THE RELATIONSHIP BETWEEN YOU AND YOUR CHILD
If he/she has a good report card
Good report card The successful child who brings He experiences the excitement of being able to receive his
warmth. Give him the appreciation and praise he deserves, don't tell him you can do better or work hard in the second term
Summarize to your child that his success is hard work. Remind him how he has coped with the difficulties he has experienced from time to time and that he will face similar problems again.
Mention what he has learned this year, how he has progressed in terms of knowledge and experience compared to previous years, and how this will reflect positively in the coming years.
Instead of harsh sentences such as "This is your duty anyway" "If you are a student, you will work", "You have fulfilled your
duties as a student very well, I congratulate you, this makes us very happy too" "our
br /> It is more important for you to be happy to say "I love you very much" can be a more positive approach.
Sometimes families should avoid overly exaggerated reactions. “You are already the smartest, smartest, most successful
child in the world, no other report card could be expected.” Avoid statements such as statements that are far from reality, exaggerated and have very high expectations. Because saying "you are smart" may lead the child to say "I am already smart, I know everything" and not to study. Because intelligence and work are very different situations. The child
should be reminded that working is the source of his success and should be thanked for his diligence.
What to Do on Vacation
Will children spend all their days in front of the computer, in front of the TV or playing games? If family elders give healthy guidance, children can make better use of their time. They can have a full holiday by visiting, social
activities, trips, and attending various courses.
If families do not plan a time for the holiday period, children will be slaves to the computer, phone
or TV during this period. it could be. You can search for answers to the question 'what can we do' with your children for the holiday and prepare a program.
Children should be active at home: A child who cannot get away from the television, phone and computer and is condemned to lethargy and laziness, will not be interested in useful activities. That's why a productive holiday starts at home
first. Lessons and exams take place during school time Children, who are exempt from everything with a fee, should be given some responsibilities during the holiday to prevent them from falling into inertia. Of course, the work and responsibilities given must be appropriate to the child's age
and gender. In this way, his manual skills develop, he becomes an entrepreneur and takes responsibility.
Neighbour visits
Relative visits
Elderly and patient visits
Social activities
Historical, spiritual and cultural trips
Visiting bookstores and libraries
Sports and cultural activities
Keeping a diary
And more should be included in the creativity of the families and the child's idea.
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