Relationships can of course be the part of our life that we think about the most. Our relationship with our parents, marriage or boyfriend/girlfriend relationships, relationships with our children, friendship, manager boss, etc.. Our life is naturally knitted with a network of relationships. I think we need to understand “Attachment Models” when examining relationships and trying to understand our own relationship.
The quality of the relationship we establish with the person who cares for us in our early childhood is also reflected in the structure of our relationships with other people, our feelings, thoughts and behaviors about ourselves and our environment in later periods. Our perception of “others” is shaped by the reactions of the person who cares for us in our childhood (which is usually the mother, in the absence of the mother, can be a father, grandmother, or caregiver) to our needs. If the caregiver provided us with the necessary support when we needed it, behaved positively, and protected us from dangers such as illness or fear, we will develop the perception that “others” are reliable and that we will receive support when we need it.
In cases where it is the opposite, if our caregiver remained insensitive to our needs, did not respond to our needs, or reacted negatively, the person would consider the "other person to be attached to" rejecting and negative, He sees himself as someone who is unloved, unworthy of being loved and valued, and believes in this. These beliefs are constantly reinforced in the period from childhood to adolescence.
In adulthood, we maintain the attachment model we acquired in childhood. In other words, our attachment model that is shaped by our caregiver in childhood is also reflected in our relationship with the spouse we need attachment when we become adults. A person who develops a secure attachment to his/her caregiver in childhood takes advantage of this when he/she becomes an adult; she trusts herself, trusts her husband, believes that her husband will support her when she has a problem and will always love her. And the relationship in this model is always nurtured and continues with health.
Children who develop an insecure attachment model, on the other hand, reflect this on their relationship with the disadvantage of this model, with the influence of their basic beliefs that they are insecure, unworthy and unlovable. He cannot fully trust his wife, he has trouble sharing his feelings, his behavior is not consistent, he makes mistakes while showing love and support, and the relationship he lives cannot be nourished, problems occur.
There are 4 different attachment styles. These are secure attachment, obsessive attachment, dismissive attachment, and fearful attachment. We will examine these titles one by one in the coming days.
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