Perhaps one of the most difficult and confusing issues of adolescence for families and young people is sexuality. The most important sign of adolescence can be interpreted as individuals reaching sexual maturity. However, although biological maturation occurs spontaneously, cognitive maturation varies depending on age and the information given. Especially in Turkey, sexuality is seen as a complete taboo. Parents who do not see this subject as a taboo have trouble knowing how to broach this subject with their children, what information to give, how much and in what way.
First of all, it is worth mentioning this. As a mother and father, do not make sexuality too big or unimportant in your eyes. Sexuality is an instinct given to us by evolution for the continuation of generations. Without sexuality, all living things on earth would face extinction. When you open Maslow's hierarchy of needs, you see biological instincts (hunger, thirst, sexuality) at the bottom of the pyramid. So we are talking about something as natural as eating and drinking water. However, what makes it different from eating and drinking water is that it involves privacy and requires both physiological and cognitive readiness of both couples for a healthy sexuality. If the idea of privacy here takes a distorted form, it becomes identified with shame and becomes a taboo.
Even though you try to postpone it, it will be extremely beneficial for you to start talking about these issues slowly with your children before adolescence. Otherwise, with adolescence, individuals will begin to be curious about learning about this subject and will be exposed to hearsay information or negative content of the technological age. Especially when they sense that you are avoiding talking about these issues or making fun of them (this is a method of suppressing your shame), they will think that this is too interesting and intriguing. That's why parents should not avoid these issues. Also, you do not need to directly enter the most intimate moment of sexuality. As adolescence approaches, the first conversation you should have with your children is about growth. "Look, you are growing up now and do you know that soon there will be some changes in your body, come see what happens if you want." "Let's see together" etc... We can start by discussing what kind of physical changes occur in our bodies as we grow. In men, growth in height, voice cracking, hair growth in private areas, beard growth after a while, in girls, growth in height, breast enlargement, menstruation, etc.. This It is correct for girls to have conversations with their mothers and boys to have conversations with their fathers. It is especially necessary for girls to be properly prepared for the menstrual process to prevent them from experiencing great fear and shock.
Then, fathers talk to their boys about their dreams and after they dream. They can talk about cleansing. As a matter of fact, if these issues are not talked about at all, the child in the dream may experience confusion and shame because he will not be able to understand what he is experiencing. The important point is that when these issues are discussed, fathers are really ready to talk about these issues and approach them seriously. Sexuality is an education. Just as there is no shame in classical education, sexual education is that they are not. Otherwise, children may take on a behavior of running away and trying to silence their parents when these topics are brought up. Mothers and fathers who are comfortable can be more supportive and comforting in talking to their children and asking questions about these issues.
Children should know this. Sexuality is not prohibited, but due to moral rules, it cannot be discussed in every environment and at every moment. There is a limit to this and this limit must be adhered to. You can also talk about where babies come from, but going into detail at such an early age can sometimes be scary and confusing. However, you can tell children that the basis of sexuality lies in mutual love and respect, and that it can only take place after a certain maturity is reached with the will of both parties. Until then, you can designate special areas (usually rooms) for your children to meet their special needs. Afterwards, this It is important to mention that their needs are natural, but they can only exhibit this behavior when they are alone with themselves. In this way, the child will understand that sexuality is not something to be ashamed of or shameful about, and will also grasp the idea that it is a private and special moment that he lives with himself.
In addition, you can use various software and programs that block access to sites in order to minimize the possibility of our children encountering negative content. . However, since this means prohibition, it will attract the attention of your children. Instead, you can mention that after talking enough about sexuality, you may encounter some negative content on the internet, but these contents are fiction and do not reflect reality. You can say that your child may be confused, disgusted or afraid because these do not reflect reality, and that it would be a good and beneficial choice for them to stay away when they come across such advertisements or sites. When you talk about these issues with your children, they will also begin to become aware of sexuality.
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