It is an accepted fact that the root of neurotic behavior in adults lies in 'childhood anxieties', and at least some of them are like this.
Karen Horney states that 'childhood anxieties' largely stem from parental attitudes. .
We can define 'anxiety' as 'the conflict between what we want to do and the circumstances', 'the conflict between what we want to express and not doing so', 'the distressing state and stasis of unknown origin' arising from the conflict between a group of values. Then we need to look at the periods and situations in which these conflicts affect us.
Karen Horney explains this situation as follows:
“When examining the childhood stories of many neurotic people, the common denominator in all of them is different components. I have found that there is an environment within you that exhibits the following characteristics.
The basic constant enemy is a lack of genuine friendliness and compassion. A child can endure many things that are often considered traumatic - sudden weaning, occasional beatings, sexual experiences - but as long as he feels deeply loved and wanted . It goes without saying that a child clearly feels that love is not real and cannot be fooled by fake shows. The main reason why the child does not receive sufficient warmth and affection lies in the fact that the mother and father are incapable of giving it due to their own neuroses. In my experience, a 'lack of basic sincerity' is often camouflaged and families claim they want the best for the child. Educational institutions and the overly anxious or overly devoted attitude of an 'ideal' mother are key factors that contribute to an environment that largely forms the cornerstone of future feelings of deep insecurity.
Furthermore, on the part of the parents, they do nothing but create hostility in the child. We find a variety of actions or attitudes that are unhelpful: preference for other siblings, unfair scolding, unpredictable alternations (inconsistency) between excessive concern and condescending rejection, unfulfilled promises, and, just as importantly, temporary inattention to the child's needs, often more than the most logical ones. Attitudes that range from persistently opposing one's own desires to, for example, breaking up friendships, ridiculing independent thought, or destroying artistic, athletic, or mechanical interests in pursuit of one's own. All of these are attitudes that mean breaking the child's will in terms of the outcome, even if the parents are not intentional.
Karen Horney states that the 'prohibitory attitude towards child sexuality' has a special importance among the concerns of childhood, and states that children experience helplessness, fear, and lack of love. He states that creating feelings of abandonment and guilt will affect them in the future.
So, shouldn't children be prevented from any of their wishes? How can we teach them right/wrong attitudes?
Karen Horney notes: “Observations show that children, as well as adults, can accept large and multiple deprivationsprovided they believe they are justified, right, necessary or purposeful.” He has revealed it beyond all doubt. For example, if the parents do not put absolute pressure on cleanliness and do not force the child with open or secret cruelty, the child will not be disturbed by cleaning education.
A child generally needs to be sure that he is loved and that the punishment is justified and that he will not injure or humiliate him. He will not be disturbed by an occasional punishment, provided that he believes that it is not done for his own purpose.
As can be seen, what is much more important than the form of the attitude shown towards the child is the essence and purpose of the attitude. There should be no doubt that the child will understand very well the essence and purpose of the approach shown to him. Because children can very well understand the essence of the attitude shown to them through their own emotions and intuition. Therefore, 'why it is done' becomes more important than 'what is done'.
Karen Horney states that feelings of 'jealousy' in children also play an important role in anxiety. Jealousy such as sibling jealousy, jealousy arising from competition between peers, and jealousy of the mother or father are emotions that need to be understood in time.
Whether the child is 'addicted' or not is related to the attitude of the families: "This is all about the families' children." It depends on what they are trying to achieve with their education; That is, whether education should make a child strong, brave, independent, and able to cope with any situation, or whether it should take the child under one's wing, make him subservient, make him neglect life, or infantilize him for a period of time up to the age of twenty or more. It depends on whether you want to keep it or not.”
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