In today's modern society, parents are concerned about everything from what their children will eat healthily to what kind of education they will receive; He thinks about everything down to the smallest detail, from what he will wear to what he will play with. In order to be good parents, they start reading books and doing research from the moment of pregnancy. In addition, they take care to communicate effectively with their children and contribute to their psychological development. But there is a small point they missed; The impact of their relationships with their spouses on their children.
Children learn about life by observing their parents. What the child learns from the relationship between his mother and father prepares the ground for the relationships he will establish in his future life. As Byron Norton said, a child has three parents; The relationship between his mother, his father and his parents. This third parent is very effective in the child's process of learning relationships.
So when does your child start to be affected by this relationship?
The beginning of this process is actually during pregnancy, before the child reaches the age where he/she can understand and understand what you say. It is known that it started. Pregnancy is a period when women are physiologically and psychologically sensitive, and they are in a state of communication with their baby through the placenta. Just as the baby is nourished by what its mother eats, it is also affected by what the mother feels and experiences through the release of hormones. During this process, the baby begins to feel the mother and father's relationship and the mother's stress and sadness in the womb.
In the postnatal period, the 0-6 age period is very important for the child's psycho-social development. By observing their parents, children internalize their attitudes, behaviors and discourses, and thus develop behavioral patterns similar to their parents.
"He is a child, he does not understand yet", "It has been a long time since I had a fight with my wife, he has already forgotten", "He is a child, he doesn't know yet" ", "We've always been like this, he's used to it", "I don't think my child will be affected by our relationship", "I'm enduring this marriage for my children", etc. are parental sentences that we are used to hearing frequently. Contrary to these statements, Grych and Fincham explain the perception of children who witness their parents' fights on three grounds. First of all Firstly, we increase the perception of threat by thinking "How will the conflict affect me?", secondly, we increase the perception of coping by thinking "What can I do about the conflict?", and finally, "Who is responsible for the conflict?" It improves the perception of blame by saying.
Research has shown that; A child who grows up in a home where there is a destructive attitude in arguments and where voices are raised with constant fighting and argument; In his social and academic life, he will raise his voice and try to express what he wants, will break the rules and have an aggressive attitude. Children who grow up in families where one parent shouts dominantly and the other parent remains silent will show more anxious and depressive attitudes than other children. The child who witnesses one of the spouses being cheated on; will have difficulty establishing trust in adult life. In addition, the negative attitudes, destructive behaviors displayed by parents during the argument, and the lack of a positive solution cause reactions in children such as taking the mother or father's side, separating the argument, trying to reconcile the parents, helping and consoling, or avoiding. Girls who are exposed to their parents' arguments are more affected by the arguments, and depression is often observed in girls. Behavior problems are more severe in boys than in girls; Although aggressive behavior is seen in boys, it is seen that these children have difficulty controlling their anger. In addition, parental relationships; It affects children's academic success, attention deficit and hyperactivity rates.
Will there ever be a problem in the discussions?
Is every marriage a bed of roses?
Do people never fight?
Is the child affected in every fight? The answer to questions like this is simple. Argument is a situation that occurs in every family, but how the discussions are managed and how they end is very important. Children who grow up at home in an environment where problems are solved by talking, where voices are not raised, where constructive solutions are found to arguments, where each individual is listened to and given the right to speak, learn problem-solving skills, obeying the rules, taking the floor, making demands, They learn to express.
As a result, it is known that; The more constructive and happy parents are in their relationships, the happier their children grow up. Problems and troubles between parents negatively affect the child. It is not that the child is unaffected, does not understand, does not know, or forgets; The child is affected by everything that happens, he understands it, knows it and does not forget it. Think of yourself as a mirror and your child is your reflection. The kind of parent you are, the more your child will be the parent who carries a part of you into his adult life.
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