“If you don't ………I won't love you!”
“I won't love you anymore because you did this!”
“You will kill me!”
“Sick You made me!”
Even writing the above sentences hurts me. I wonder what the child, who knows the world through his parents, thinks when he hears these sentences?
“I am unlovable.”
“I am inadequate.”
“I am flawed.”
“I am worthless.”
“I am wrong.”
…
What does he feel?
“Fear”
“Anxiety”
“Sadness”
…
Deciding to become a parent does not just mean deciding to give birth to a baby. It means making an unwritten agreement to unconditionally fulfill all the responsibilities of the individual we bring into the world. The child cannot be blamed for his/her existence, he/she deserves unconditional positive acceptance. The child's responsibilities are not just about feeding him and ensuring his personal hygiene. These responsibilities include the responsibility of maintaining the child's psychological well-being, playing games, and meeting the stimulus needs appropriate to the developmental stages.
So, what is a parent actually trying to say if he threatens to deprive his child of love due to any behavior? Where did he learn this? Isn't there another way? The answer to these questions is hidden in the parent's own past! In fact, what they experience is a sign that parents should be open to development in terms of knowing themselves, accepting themselves, and having the ability to show self-compassion.
I have a few suggestions.
If you are at the stage of deciding to become a parent, why do you do this? Realize what you want, what you may encounter along the way, and what your problem-solving skills are. Review your past experiences: your childhood, your relationship with your mother/father, your couple relationship since your marriage started... If you think you need support on any issue or have unresolved problems, getting professional help is a very good option.
Parental planning without planning. If you are, first accept the situation you are in. Have compassion for yourself. Realize what you need. Notice what your child needs. If you are having difficulty managing the process, Getting professional help will again be the best solution.
Most importantly, hold your child in your arms every day, hug him, look into his eyes and tell him how lucky you feel to have him and say "I love you" often. Don't forget…
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