What Should We Understand When We Say Happy Child?
Defining a happy child is somewhat difficult. However, a happy child does not mean a problem-free child. Generally, when it comes to happy children; there are children who do not cause any problems, do whatever the family wants, are well-behaved and obey the rules. However, since children are constantly growing and developing, the growing curiosity, interest and desire to experience bring conflict with them. Because; Children who can overcome the conflict between the boundaries of the family and their own needs, who can maintain the balance between desire and prohibition, who can express themselves, are happy children even if they have problems. Of course, the happiness of the child is very related to the family structure and the family environment the child is in; It is known that the development of self-confidence is more positive for children who grow up in a balanced family environment, consistent parental attitudes, and where there are limits at home but the rules are clear, compared to children who do not grow up in such a family environment. Attention needs continue throughout life. Although it is very difficult to make a single definition of 'Happy Child', we can say that children whose needs for love, approval and attention are met by their families are happy children.
The happiness of children is actually the greatest wish of parents. However, as a society, we focus on the physical needs of our children. For example, our biggest goal is to have a full stomach, not get cold or sick...
What Are Children's Emotional Needs? What Should We Do for Emotional Development?
In our society, meeting the physical needs such as feeding, drinking and protection from the cold is given priority and emotional needs can be ignored. Human is a bio-psycho-social being, and perhaps it is our feature of being a psycho-social being outside of our biological structure that distinguishes us from other living things. The importance of emotional needs in the psychological development of children has been the subject of many different studies in psychology. In this sense, 'Still face experiment' means that the baby reacts according to his mother's facial expression. It is an important experiment that shows how things have changed. Seeing the expression of love, interest and happiness on the mother's face, the baby responds to her mother by smiling peacefully. This experiment also shows that children need the love, attention and attention of their parents, to be accepted by them. Children have special abilities in reading their mothers' facial expressions and position themselves according to their mothers' facial expressions. The mother's love and emotional support is one of the most important factors in the formation of personality development, which gives information about what kind of person the child will become in the future. For children to be happy, it is not enough to meet their physical needs alone. Children grow up with love, and they need attention. The most important thing for parents to do is to show their love and care to their children.
How Should Children's Relationship with Ttechnology be?
Technology has become an inseparable part in many areas of our lives as a result of the opportunities and developments brought by our age. In addition to the facilitating effect of technology on our lives, it is known that when not used properly, it has negative effects in some areas. In fact, when the relationship with technology can be controlled, it is possible to reduce its negative effects. Controlled use of technology has a special importance especially for children
. From the moment they are born, stimuli are of great importance in the developmental stages of children. Sounds, colors, tactile stimuli, etc. All stimuli provide the development of the senses. However, technological products such as tablets, computers, and phones with 'screen' features appeal to a limited number of senses and children are motionless in front of the 'screen'. negatively affect its development. The speed, competition and result-oriented themes in technological products increase the awareness of children. It causes an increase in impulsive, pleasure-oriented behaviors without experiencing the present moment. After all, it is not surprising to see children who are quickly bored and dissatisfied. While children must be kept away from technology-produced 'screens' before the age of three, children in the older age group may be allowed certain periods of time, under the supervision of their parents, without breaking away from technology, but without surrendering completely. Studies show that children who spend a long time in front of the 'screen' negatively affect their development in many areas, especially language development. The most important activity that contributes to the development of children is 'play'. Instead of technology products, we should provide more opportunities for gaming, social interaction and physical activity. During the game, the child's imagination develops, but it is not possible to achieve this with technological products.
How Should We Set an Example for Children?
As children grow up, they first model the behavior of the family they were born in through observation. Generally, the behavior patterns of the parents have an important role in the formation of the children's personality together with their innate temperament. Through social learning, children model their parents' behavior and begin to act like them. That is, what is done is learned more quickly than what is said. Therefore, if we want to create positive effects on children, we must first review our own behavior. While children are growing up, showing exemplary behaviors and giving them the right direction is an important issue that needs to be emphasized for psychological development.
According to a study; It has been observed that the father spends fifty seconds with the child and the mother spends a maximum of five minutes one-on-one time with the child in one day. Although it is thought that a long time is spent together, it is seen that the duration of interaction, that is, the period of awareness with the attention completely on the child, is much shorter than previously thought. This means; being in the same environment sharing the same environment It doesn't mean we spend time together".
What should we pay attention to while spending time with the child?
The time during which full attention and awareness is on the child is actually much shorter than we think. What is meant to be emphasized here is that when we think we are with the child, we are actually not quite there. There is no need for multi-featured venues, expensive toys or different activities for one-on-one time. The important thing is that the parent accompanies an activity that the child likes. It can be any activity other than watching TV or tablet games. Like playing games, doing art together, painting. A special time when the child is completely in control and the parent accompanies the child by reflecting the feelings and thoughts of the child... The effect of spending one-on-one time with the child is so high that it is known to have healing properties in some psychological problems. We recommend play time applications where there is no other occupation, one-on-one and attention is completely on the child, especially to families with children who come to the clinic with externalization problems such as ADHD (Attention deficit hyperactivity disorder), behavior problems. Children need special time with their parents. The power of interaction at these
special times is very high, because the message given to the child at that time; It includes meanings such as "I am listening to you", "I understand you", "I am here for you", "I value you". When children receive these messages as they grow up, the happy child emerges. These are the most important criteria of raising happy children.
Emel Güler
Expert Clinical Psychologist
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