The first year of life is a period when the baby is dependent on the mother in every aspect. When the child starts to walk and run, although he/she wants to move on his own and be independent, he likes to see his mother around and be with her. Until the age of 3, when socialization skills are acquired, children try to separate themselves from their mothers, while at the same time maintaining their dependence. It is expected that this dependent relationship, which is seen until the age of 3, will decrease after this age and the relationship dimension will change from dependence to commitment. We see that the addiction that is expected to decrease by the age of 3 continues in our society for many years, and that many adults with children continue to be dependent on their own mothers. It can be said that the reason why the separation process does not occur at the expected time and the addiction continues is due to the attitudes of the parents. It is known that the mothers of children who develop addiction are overprotective, the fathers are more distant, or both parents are overprotective. Starting from the age of 2, children want to do some tasks on their own and are persistent in this regard. It is necessary to provide opportunities and support the child to do some tasks on his own, in accordance with his age. Children aged 3-4 can do tasks such as eating, dressing, picking up their toys, washing hands and face, and meeting their toilet needs on their own or with little support. Not allowing a child who has these skills to do his job on his own and doing everything instead increases the child's dependence on the mother and negatively affects his self-confidence. The addicted child cannot leave his mother's skirt, cannot even bear her mother going to the toilet, cannot be left alone even for a short time, acts insecure and timid, has difficulty establishing relationships with his peers, and becomes a constantly crying and whining child.
It is considered normal until the age of 3. It is expected that addiction will decrease from this age. In cases of addiction that continues after this age, parents must first of all accept that their child is no longer a baby in need of care, but a growing individual. Supporting, guiding, helping him do things he can do on his own It is necessary to reassure him that he will be satisfied and give him the opportunity to express his wishes.
Children can be separated from their mothers for short periods starting from infancy. When they are 3-4 years old, they can stay away from their mothers all day long, and can even tolerate being separated from their mothers for a few weeks when necessary. Children with addiction characteristics have difficulty staying in a separate room from their mothers, even at home, and playing games on their own. Contrary to popular belief, fear of separation is not only seen in children of working mothers. When explained in appropriate language, children understand and accept that their mothers have to go to work and will return home in the evening. Every child is uneasy when his mother leaves his side and worries about whether she will return. This anxiety is experienced more intensely in children with ongoing addiction than in other children. Ensuring that the child stays with people he knows and trusts for short periods of time, giving accurate information about where to go and when to return, showing this on the watch if necessary, and telling him that he can call you if the conditions are suitable are methods that will make it easier for the child to learn to be separated from the mother.
Those who have difficulty separating from the mother. Children also have difficulty going to kindergarten and adapting. Home is not just an environment where the child is cared for or plays, but also a social environment where the child's socialization skills develop, where he learns to obey the rules, establish relationships with his peers, and share. In particular, children with ongoing addictions go to kindergarten, which reduces this addiction. However, here again, parental attitudes play an important role. Parents should first accept that the nursery is a social learning environment and has an important role in the social development of the child. It is very difficult for a child who has never been separated from his mother to suddenly enter an unfamiliar environment and stay there. When the idea of starting kindergarten arises, you can start by ensuring that the child stays with people he knows for short periods of time, at least a few months in advance. In cases where this is not possible, a few months in advance, explain the kindergarten environment and the activities to be done there, show the child what it is like by passing by the kindergartens, visit different kindergartens for short periods of time. Letting the child play are activities that will help the child get to know the nursery. It is important to tell him when he is going to take him to the nursery, when and who will take him to the nursery, specifying the activity, and what he will do in the nursery during the day. Telling the truth about the pick-up time from the nursery and complying with it as much as possible is very important for the development of the child's sense of trust. Many children who have a fear of separation try various ways to avoid going to kindergarten. Crying, abdominal pain and vomiting are the most common symptoms at this age. Not sending the child to the nursery in the face of these reactions will make it difficult to get used to the nursery and will also reinforce the addiction. At this point, it is necessary to be determined and calm, not to react because he cries or vomits, to ensure that he goes to the nursery unless there is a physical problem, and not to prolong the separation ceremonies at the gate of the nursery. It should not be forgotten that if separation anxiety is not resolved in the preschool period, similar situations will occur in the school period.
If parents want to raise children who are dependent on themselves, they should do the following:
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Do it for the child.
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Understand and fulfill his wishes before he expresses them.
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Act as if he is still a baby, not accepting that he has grown up.
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Do not give him the opportunity to develop his skills.
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Activities that he insists on doing on his own (such as eating), saying "You can't do it, you can't do it" prevent it.
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Carry it in a stroller or on your lap even if it can walk.
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Always use phrases such as "oh, stop, you'll fall". .
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Do not leave him alone, do not let him stay with people he knows.
When you do these, make sure that your child will be dependent on you for life. It will happen, it will not be able to do anything without you
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