The idea of your child being exactly what you want sounds great, doesn't it? Are you dreaming of having a child who likes everything you like without exception, who doesn't come even a hundred meters away from what you don't like, who chooses the profession you want, who is friends with whoever you want, who doesn't talk to anyone you don't want, and who marries someone you want? Then you will find a lot of useful things in this article.
Do you remember the first moment you held your child in your arms? How much he needs and depends on you from the first moment he is born. He needed you to feed him when he was hungry, to protect him, to clothe him when he was cold, and even to help him pass gas when he was gassy. Then he grew up a little and started to babble when you laughed at him and started to get restless when your voice got a little louder. When he started walking, he wanted to follow you. When he saw a stranger he ran to you because he trusted you. When he was little, you carried him in your arms wherever you wanted, but when he learned to walk, he tried to explore wherever he wanted and you had to run after him. After a little more time, she started not eating when she didn't want to anymore. He wanted to do things himself, and when you saw your child achieve something, you appreciated him by saying “Well done,” applauding, or patting his head. You ask why? Because your child was starting to grow up and had achieved many things on his own. He could eat his own food, use the toilet, and dress and undress himself. These were small signs that he was starting to become independent when he was little. This process was also developing, including being like oneself, and this war of independence would continue until one found one's own personality. All he needs from now on and from now on will be your unconditional love and trust in you. When you look back, wouldn't this be the only thing you expected from your family? Imagine that your family loves, accepts and supports you unconditionally, with your pros and cons. Therefore, instead of raising a child exactly the way you want, how about supporting your child to be someone like himself?
When it comes to adolescence, what do you say? What comes to our mind are examples of people who are rebellious, disobedient, trying to prove themselves, sometimes introverted, generally wanting to be alone, spending more time with members of the same sex, and male-female friendships turning romantic. So, what is the role of parents or caregivers throughout all this physical, hormonal, spiritual, mental and social development and change in the adolescent? In this process, as your child tries to make sense of his mental and physical differences and mood ups and downs, he needs your understanding and acceptance of him with all his competencies and shortcomings. Your child may become clumsy during this period because his arms and legs grow faster. He/she may become emotional due to hormonal changes or may want to spend more time socially with his/her friends rather than with you. Because in this process, adolescents try to act like adults while also trying to cope with the childish impulses that come from within them. At this point, the most important role for families will be to embrace adolescents with unconditional acceptance. So, should I accept my child's mistakes, how will I teach him right from wrong? you may be asking. At this point, family attitudes and behaviors can be considered as the needed acceptance and limit dimensions. The acceptance dimension can be likened to two ends of a ruler that varies from accepting your child, centering on the adolescent, to rejecting it. Likewise, the boundary dimension can be considered as a wide spectrum ranging from restrictive attitude to tolerant attitude.
If you, as mothers, fathers or caregivers, show your teenage children that you accept them as they are, you can solve the problems or problems they care about. If you take an interest in their hobbies, mediate their emotions, and make them feel that you understand your children, adolescents will feel accepted. Thus, your adolescent children develop personalities that take responsibility for their own behavior, are able to control themselves, and are aware of their shortcomings and competences. On the contrary, a hostile parent-adolescent relationship in which the adolescent is seen as belittled, disliked, and subjected to violence may prevent the emergence of aggressive behavior in the adolescent. It may cause them to run away from home, make bad friends, or use drugs.
In addition, many parents, knowingly or unknowingly, make their children feel that they are not accepted from time to time. How Does? For example; If your child expresses his/her thoughts with phrases like "You're too young, you don't understand?", "Don't respond to your elders!", "Is this a problem, my son/daughter?", etc., your child may probably think that his/her feelings and thoughts are not respected and that you do not understand him. As a result; He/she can either form friendships that are not accepted by his/her family, or display aggressive attitudes and constantly try to prove himself to you, or become an introverted teenager who does not open up to anyone.
Dear parents, first of all, you should want to hear what your teenage children are saying. Why does he want to spend more time with his friends and not with you, why does he start to care more about himself, why does he enjoy sitting in his own room rather than sitting with you in the living room, why does he do little clumsiness? You should really want to hear the reasons for these and also accept your children with their pros and cons. You should make time for your adolescent child, and if you cannot spare time at that moment, you should explain this to your child using a clear language and then create appropriate time for your child.
As a result, mothers, fathers or other caregivers give unconditional love and affection to their children. You should show them, create an environment where they can live with confidence, and remember that your children may have different personality traits than you.
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