'I feel like the whole world is turning against me. Even my parents always tell me no when I want something. They're always trying to stop me. They constantly give orders to do this, do that. However, I am 'mine'. I have a mind of my own. That's why I have to say 'No' when my parents tell me to do it. If I don't say no, I feel like I'm just a part of mom or dad. But I am me. So I can say no whenever I want. Because I am strong. I can decide what I want. I sit wherever I want at the table. I keep hitting my spoon on my plate. People can tell I'm here by the sound I make. '
Does your child constantly say no, throw himself on the ground in inappropriate places, and have crying fits when he wants something until he gets it? Congratulations, welcome to the 'Terrible two' period.
The sentences at the beginning of the article can briefly summarize what your child feels and thinks during this period. Your child does not do these things to annoy you, he wants to gain his own identity and prove his independence. When this process is completed in a healthy way, your child will be protected from being easily influenced by people in the future.
Parents may have a hard time in this process and may overreact. Therefore, it is often necessary to remember that this process is temporary and that this period is a necessary phase for its development.
We can summarize some of the points that need to be considered as a parent as follows;
There is a lot in this process. Do not try to set limits for your child in this area. Identify a few areas where you will fight. For example, have a clear limit on the use of physical force and never allow this behavior.
Approve your child's no statements and try not to oppose or change them. For example, if you were met with a resounding 'no, no' answer when you said 'Come on, put your socks in the drawer'; You can respond by saying, 'Okay, so you don't want to do this now.'
Be respectful of their wishes regarding food. For example, when you don't want to eat broccoli, 'Decide what you like and don't like. Now I can tell that you are someone who doesn't like broccoli.' The answer is the child's sense of self. It will be an answer that supports your child and makes him/her feel cared for.
Guide your child when he/she has a crying crisis and expresses things he/she does not want by crying. 'When there is something you don't like, you can tell me no, I don't want it. '
Avoid competing for power with your child during this period. The idea that he should learn that not everything he wants is not valid for this period. The outcome of the argument always results in conditions where the child loses. If you win, your child will lose the power to express himself. If your child wins, he will lose a guide, a strong adult who will set the right example for him. Even when your child pushes you hard, for example when he/she is determined not to eat, say, 'Okay, you don't have to eat now. But you should know that I won't cook for you later.' It would be an answer in which he gets what he wants, and you have the last word and set the boundaries.
Finally, it is necessary to look at the neurological dimension of the two-year-old crisis.
During this period, the frontal region of your child's brain develops. This region needs to make decisions for its development. If you expect him/her to do all you say and obey all orders, you may cause this part of the brain to become inactive.
Crying crises create a real trigger in the child's brain. Your child has the right to cry. His brain is under stress because it's not what he really wants. Crying allows this tension to be released.
Some requests that are very small for you are very important for him. It is very difficult for his friend to want to take his toy or to have any of his requests rejected. In a brain that is immature, has not learned to establish cause-effect relationships, and has not established connections, molecules that will give pleasure are secreted when wishes begin to be imagined. And when he doesn't get what he wants, there is a sudden decrease in the amount of these molecules. This may lead to a major crying fit or an aggressive reaction.
The biggest thing you need during this period is 'Patience'. Reminding yourself that your child is developing and growing will help you get through this period.
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