The family is an organized, organic system and is structurally the core of society. There is a hierarchy within the family, an order created by this hierarchy, and roles that depend on the order. These roles we play in the first years of our lives are not the limits we acquire, but the limits we acquire. Apart from being good or bad, it is essential for adaptation to the existing order. However, not every system positions the child as a child, the mother as mother, and the father as father.
Our personal roles are the sum of 3 selves, and these 3 roles determine interpersonal interaction.
-Adult self (The rational, realistic side of the personality). . The element of balance between social structure and rules and our personal needs)
-Parent-Ego (The part of the personality that advises and gives orders to people about how they should behave in the parental role. It can be protective or judgmental.)
-Child self (It is not an underdeveloped or childish self. It is our state of reacting emotionally with the instincts of childhood. It is healthy and necessary.)
We perform these roles according to the adequacy of the system we are in. we understand. As we learn our child self, our dynamics begin to take shape. Basic dynamics such as being able to act naturally, being compatible or fighting against hierarchy, rebellious and incompatible structuring, states of dependency, and our relationship with authority.
However, not every system is fair and equitable in the distribution of these roles. . While the adult of the system is expected to be a parent, it is the parents who cannot get away from divorce, loss of health, loss, difficult economic processes, and their root family (the family they were born into) relations!! Situations such as wars, early marriage, and flirtatious intimacy with third parties may accelerate the transition in roles. It can turn a child into a system adult. That is, a child may engage in roles such as being a mother to his mother or a father to his father at an early age, without his own choice.
Parenting to his parents is normal in collective cultures like ours in the present tense of life, and It is mostly healthy. However, a 14-year-old child's effort to keep his family together out of fear of losing it also affects many of the communications he establishes outside the family in adulthood, and the generally encountered pattern is a dependent structure. r. A controlling, anxious and prone to parental reflex at any time, and the experiences of worthlessness that come with it.
Conflict is inevitable when communication or relationship is not used appropriate to the situation.
In this case, families can inherit not only resources that can increase wealth, but also debts.
'Feeling obliged' is an appropriate description of the feeling. Like the curse of Sisyphus, a movement such as trying to move a rock from the ground to the top may occur every day. The desire to get rid of burdens is not about abandoning the parent, but rather can be a window of opportunity to establish a healthy relationship.
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