“The child is accepted by producing something. “He develops his determination and adjusts himself.” Erik Erikson
“A mother who came up the stairs of the school looking at the phone in her hand was waiting for her child without needing to state her child's name because the teacher on duty at the door recognized her. While waiting face to face with the teacher, she did not look up from her phone even for a second. After the child came and put on his shoes, the mother would go down the stairs with her child, saying good evening, without breaking eye contact on the phone. I was hoping that this situation would be something special only for that day, but the view I saw afterwards did not change at all.”
From time to time, I would ask myself: Where am I making mistakes? Are our studies, events and seminars not effective at all? As someone who has worked hard on the importance of the communication process, especially in the preschool period, I considered such situations as my own failure and blamed them on myself. However, on the other hand, I could also see very successful changes. Then I realized something like this: People were divided into those who truly believed and practiced and those who pretended to believe. By getting rid of all the negative attributions I made about myself a long time ago, I regained the excitement of change and now I continue to work for all people who are open to change.
So, why did I feel the need to express such a memory? Because, as a society, we mostly care about the physical needs of our children. But our children also have emotional needs. I think it is necessary to talk about the importance of these less-aware emotional needs.
Read a book to your child before going to bed at night. Your child will gain a lot by listening to books and his/her auditory attention will be improved.
Especially children who are not taken care of between the ages of 0-6; Mental processes such as listening, taking instructions, acting appropriately, decision-making, and problem solving may not be developed. Attention skill is also a mental process, and if emotional needs are not met, symptoms of attention deficit may be seen in children. Of course, you will be able to evaluate attention deficit and diagnose it. It is child psychiatrists who can help.
Parents who cannot feed their children in every aspect since infancy are seen to face more problems in the following years. These problems; It may occur such as communication problems, behavioral disorders, weakness of mental processes or anger uncontrollability. Depending on the way they are raised, children who are not listened to enough and not taken seriously will subsequently fail to learn to listen. Therefore, they may have difficulty listening to their teachers in school life. (It is an important detail that there is no medical reason) And this situation begins to affect the child's entire educational life. At this point, it is necessary to first consult a child psychiatrist and evaluate the level of attention problems the child has. Then, behavioral and emotional problems are studied, especially with the child and his family, in order to make the recovery more permanent.
While the prevalence of attention deficit disorder is 3.8% in Germany, it is around 20% in Turkey. When the reason for the difference is questioned, it turns out that family education, especially in the 0-6 age period, is an important factor.
After expert interviews of children with whom we experience attention problems in school life, family relationships need to be examined. How and how much time parents spend with their children and the content of this time is the starting point for us. The expression I hear a lot: It's as if our family was playing with us, let the child play with these toys... However, there is a difference beyond the gap between the opportunities of the compared period and the opportunities of today's children.
There are so many stimulants today that the child is confused about what to do. First, he comes and unloads his toys in the middle of the living room, and at the same time, the program he wants, even though he has not watched it, serves as the background on the television. Some time passes and he decides to go and paint in his room. We are talking about a world where there are rich options such as watercolor, pastel paint, finger paint... which one should I use? At that moment, you invite him to dinner, five minutes after he starts eating, he goes to the living room saying he will play with my toys, and then when the dining table is cleared, he appears before you saying, "I'm hungry." understand here The process I went through is a classic evening for hundreds of families I have encountered.
So, what does it have to do with attention, you ask? What do we say first when we say attention? He can't focus, he gets distracted very quickly, I call but he doesn't hear me... Well, if we consider that a child who changes activities every five to ten minutes and says he's bored, he won't do it, can't even complete a coloring page, let's also think about his homework. What we call internal discipline, the ability of the child to be responsible for his own behavior and to control himself, is a skill that he will learn within the family. When a child playing with legos with his father wants to watch cartoons, his father's example and practice of how he can do this after collecting the toys will help him gain this skill. Or, when reading a bedtime story, making an agreement from the beginning that only one will be read to a child who says "one more, one more, one more".
For children who watch too many television programs, especially violent programs. Attention deficit occurs in older ages…Anatolian Journal of Psychiatry
This is a classic and unrecognized process. However, our behaviors and the internal discipline that the child acquires as a result of these behavioral practices will be the basis for his ability to achieve things throughout his life. And this foundation begins to form within the family in which the child is raised, from the moment he is born. With the entry into school life, it is time to lay this foundation. What matters is how solid the foundation you create is.
As long as we want, it is never too late for anything:
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First of all, believe that your child will overcome his attention problem as he works.
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Your child's attention problem will not be cured by suggestions such as "pay attention...". It is necessary to work to help your child focus.
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Try to keep your expectations low for your child's success until he is successful. Comparisons should be avoided, especially about school grades and essays.
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Ingenuity is subject to compliments! It makes a great contribution to the process of reinforcing the positive situations you see by saying " If we act with the thought "it won't happen", the child's self-confidence will be destroyed and it will be very difficult for them to get back on their feet.
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Keeping a diary will help both their attention and memory, especially in children with attention deficit disorder, as they will review the details of their day. It is a powerful application.
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Try to support it in whatever it is interested in. Cars, sports, technological information…
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Having a healthy relationship with your child makes it possible to carry out both attention exercises and homework more easily.
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