At work, when making plans with my friends or within the family, I adapt to the decisions taken and do not pay much attention to my own opinions. The satisfaction of those around me always comes first. It's true that I've been nervous lately. I don't understand why I got so angry. A week ago, my friends and I talked about our holiday plan. I wanted to go somewhere different, but I accepted the place offered. I liked agreeing to this plan at first. After all, I valued them very much. They could have whatever they wanted, I said, "It doesn't matter to me." However, a few days later, while talking about another topic, I became angry at them for no reason. While I was surprised and trying to understand the situation, what went through my mind was; “It's like I'm not free and I can't live and manage my life as I wish. I feel controlled and pressured. I wonder why others don't care about what I need." strong>
This scheme will make you say "it doesn't matter to me". Our childhood does not have to be perfect in order for us to become adults who adapt well to life, but we see that positive effects emerge when it is "good enough". The answer to the question of what a child needs for his development actually lies in a number of universal needs that every human being needs to be met. A child primarily needs to feel safe, autonomy, self-esteem, self-expression, realistic boundaries, and connectedness with others. If these are met, the child's psychology progresses healthily. If it is missing; Early maladaptive schemas formed by the damaging effect of these unmet needs develop throughout life. These are our core beliefs about ourselves that are difficult to change. They are self-destructive patterns that begin in childhood and repeat throughout life. One of these is the "submissiveness" scheme... This scheme makes you think that you are being controlled. The anger that has accumulated over time because you do not care about your own wishes is revealed.
Your submissiveness may also appear as situations where you sacrifice yourself excessively to make others feel good. For example, you may neglect to fulfill your own job responsibilities in order to advance your spouse's career. You think he will get hurt if you don't make a sacrifice. You choose to obey in all your personal relationships. Over time, you may become passive and stop your progress. This passivity can lead to situations such as procrastinating your work and not keeping your promises. If passivity is related to your work, people may think you don't want to make progress. Because of this schema, you tend to establish relationships with egocentric people. They need you, and you need them... Ironically, when you express your needs, they accuse you of being selfish. Over time, you start to feel pressured and stuck. What is the basis of the "submissiveness" experience that seems to make it easier to adapt to life but makes it so difficult? One of the primary reasons may be temperament, or your parent may have criticized or punished you when you tried to act individually. However, the fact that you grew up in a family that neglected you and put their own needs before yours laid the foundations of your schema. As you struggle with your schema, try to take care of yourself and your needs and desires. Ask people for help with your requests. Re-evaluate relationships in which you feel controlled. Try to stay away from people who you think are self-centered and who accuse you of being selfish. Instead of procrastinating, focus on why you're procrastinating. When you get angry, discover why you are angry and what emotion you experienced beforehand. Remember that voicing your wishes, instead of “They won't notice”, will help you…
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