Especially in the first 5 years of life, children's imagination is quite diverse. Sometimes we cannot believe what they say, we have difficulty distinguishing whether it is a lie, true or false. However, what children say is not actually intended to mislead or deceive. They are not aware of this anyway. The truth is part of the process that develops with the child. So, what should be done if our child lies?
Until the age of 3, children are not fully aware of their thoughts. That's why we can't talk clearly about 'lie'. As the child grows, ages 3-4, imagination continues to develop rapidly. They want to test the new information they have acquired. A child living in a dream world can tell different stories, blame others, make exaggerated sentences, and tell stories. And he tells all these things as if they were true. But all this is quite normal in these periods; because the sense of reality has not yet formed. At the age of 5, he begins to distinguish between truth and lies. However, during this period, the feeling of being loved and appreciated becomes dominant, and in order not to lose the love of his parents and to prevent his parents from being angry with him or making them feel sad, he may distort the truth. By the age of 7, the ability to think abstractly develops; By the age of 8-10, he learns the distinction between truth and lie.
In summary, the development of the child's imagination and abstract thinking skills causes us to see the child as having a habit of lying at an early age. However, the child is just learning the 'truth' and does not even know exactly what a 'lie' is. During these periods, parents become anxious and may become angry with their children. After the age of 10, with the cognitive development of the child, the distinction between truth and lies in the imagination becomes more established and differentiated.
If you say that your child is older than 10 but still lies, I recommend you to pay attention to the following points:
-To whom is the lie being told? Only to the mother or only to the father? Or is it said in general?
-How long has he been lying?
-What is the attitude of the parents while raising their child? Is it oppressive, authoritarian or too free?
-How is the relationship between parents? Are there any negative examples?
-Give the child too much responsibility Could it be?
-What are your family rules? Is it too strict?
-(Especially undesirable situation) Is the child subjected to violence?
So, as a family, what should we do to prevent our child from lying?
-Your attitude as a parent is very important on your child in every aspect. The child's first contact and first learning takes place in the family. Remember that you are a model for your child in this respect. Therefore, if the parents are lying, your child will learn this and he will lie too.
-Appreciating your child and making him feel loved is one of his greatest wishes. So appreciate your child. Of course, there will be mistakes. Talk to your child about these mistakes and teach them the right way. Avoid overreacting and giving harsh punishments. If the child is frightened by your reaction, he may continue to lie. Remember that people learn by talking.
-If you give the child responsibilities that he cannot handle, the child may continue to lie because he will be afraid of failure and your reaction. Therefore, giving tasks and responsibilities that he can achieve will improve his self-confidence and encourage him to tell the truth.
-Avoid comparing your child with others. Sayings like 'His child did this, your friend did that' should be a thing of the past. Not only will you damage the child's self-confidence, it will also cause him to distort the facts. As I mentioned in most of my articles, the child's feeling of being appreciated is always at the forefront.
-Do not label your child as a 'liar' just because he distorts the facts. Every time you call the child a liar, the child may start using this label and continue to behave this way.
In summary; As a parent, your positive and constructive attitude is important for your child to tell the truth and not resort to lies. The child starts learning in the family. He shapes his life with what he learns.
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