We all know that divorce rates have increased in developed and developing countries in recent years. We can say that in our country, 2 out of every 10 couples generally divorce, and divorces especially occur in the 3rd and 9th years of marriage. We see that divorces have many dimensions, but if the spouses have children, the most important dimension is the children, and spouses frequently consult experts on this issue. I also wanted to touch upon the most frequently asked and answered questions in my article.
Should we wait for our child to grow up before divorcing?
Children at almost every age experience what their parents experience with their 5 senses. They can detect psychological distress (facial expressions, tones of voice, observations of parents' mutual communication, heart rate, etc.). If the parents have made a final decision about separation, it may be more appropriate to separate the child at an early age, rather than letting the children grow up in an environment of restless and unhappy parents.
At what age can our child have a harder time adjusting to divorce? >
Children's reactions to their parents' separation differ at almost every age. There are many factors other than age that affect the adaptation process (the child's ability to withstand traumas, the psychological structure of the parents, the economic power of the parents, the events between the parents after the separation, etc.). However, we can say that adaptation is more difficult, especially during the divorce process during adolescence.
What do we need to do to prevent our child from being affected by this situation?
Children, regardless of their age, are important in their lives. It is normal for children to experience an adaptation process in every change that occurs (school change, death of a relative, divorce of parents, etc.).
It is not always possible to prevent the psychological problems of children in the adaptation process from turning into mental disorders, but when it is implemented, children Of course, there are things that will help them get through the process more easily. First of all, it is not appropriate for the separation decision to be explained to the child by a physician or by a person(s) to whom the child does not feel very close. If possible, the separation decision should be given to the children by both parents. , should be said when the final decision is made and as soon as possible. Prolonging the process may trigger various concerns of children and prolong the adaptation process. When explaining the separation decision, it should not be forgotten that the concrete perceptions of young children are a priority and the explanation should be made accordingly. In the following period, accurate, short and clear explanations should be continued according to the age of the children, and promises and hopes that cannot be realized should not be given. Children should be informed that even if their parents are separated, they will continue to be with the child and love them as parents.
It is important that parents who are separated from their children do not speak negatively about the other parent. This situation may also negatively affect the child's relationship with the parent he or she is with. If the parents do not have serious mental disorders or negative behaviors such as neglect and/or abuse towards the child, it would be better for the child's mental health to meet with both parents.
In order for the children to avoid additional adaptation problems during the separation process, school and/or They should be encouraged to continue their activities as a hobby. In this adaptation period, receiving more gifts than ever before can only help parents feel good. Instead, increasing the quality of time allocated to the child will make children feel better psychologically and have confidence.
If the problems experienced by children in the adaptation process affect the children's life in the social environment, support can also be obtained from an expert.
Shall we share our divorce process with our child's teacher?
Sharing this process with teachers may be positive for the child. Because during the separation process, children may show behavioral changes (irritability, distraction, disobeying the rules, etc.) that may be reflected in school. If the children's problems are mild during this process, the process can be overcome more easily and in a shorter time with the positive attitudes of the teacher. However, if there are problems at the level of adjustment disorder, the child can be referred to a specialist earlier with the contributions of the teacher's observations at school.
Which of us should our child stay with after the divorce?
It is more appropriate for young children, especially, to stay with the mother if the mother does not have a serious mental problem and if the mother has the financial means to care for her child. However, if there is nothing that prevents the father from seeing the child, he should be allowed to see his child regularly.
What should we do if our child compares our situation with other children?
During the separation process, parents should give the message 'we are separating as husband and wife, but we will always be your parents and we love you very much' when explaining the separation. The participation of both parents in children's activities organized in social and academic environments can be an important support for the child.
How should we treat our child after the divorce process?
It should be accepted that the child will go through an adaptation period regardless of age, and time should be given to the child and young person,
When the child asks questions about divorce, it should always be answered in a way that he can perceive and does not blame the other parent. A response should be given,
If the child wants to keep something (pictures, etc.) in his room that will remind him of the other parent (who does not stay with him all the time), he should be allowed,
He should be given the opportunity to see and talk to the other parent whenever he wants,
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They should be supported to continue their pre-separation school and social activities as much as possible,
It should be remembered that they have emotional needs rather than material ones,
Children should be encouraged to continue their responsibilities that they were expected to fulfill before separation.
It should be emphasized that children should not be blamed as the reason for separation and that this has no direct relationship with them.
The most important language of children is love. As a parent, you should show them that you love them unconditionally under all circumstances, and this should not be given up, regardless of the problems between spouses.
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