The issue of violence, which has increased in recent years, hurts us greatly. In particular, I think we have entered a vicious circle. Publishing themes of violence on social media and news somehow normalizes violence and gradually begins to form a habit in people. The number of people who engage in these behaviors just out of curiosity is not insignificant.
Of course, it would not be true if we say that only social media has an effect on the increase in violence. I believe that we will come across similar issues as a result of examining the lives of people who commit violence. Because violence is a result. Although the reasons differ; The basic logic seems to be that people do not know how to cope with the reasons that lead them to violence.
So, what does it mean that people prone to violence do not know how to cope? For example, I'm not saying they can't succeed. Because in order to fail to achieve something, the learning environment must first exist and yet one cannot learn. However, not knowing requires never having experienced it. When we look at it in this context, it seems that this issue needs to be examined from many angles.
Everyone wants the behavior of these violent people, which lead to death, to end. However, we do not know exactly how this will happen in practice! There is no data based on any scientific study on the subject. However, I would like to share some of my observations as they have recently overlapped.
If I am going to do a seminar with a group for the first time, I will determine the topic as attachment processes and reflection of emotions, rather than them determining the topic. Generally, what I am asked to do is to repair damage on the fifth or tenth floor of a building. On the other hand, I reply that let's rummage through the floor of the building a little bit first, unless something happens there, the upper floors won't be damaged. Attachment processes, which are one of the most valuable mechanisms of our lives since the womb, have an importance that can extend to the problems that many adults are currently experiencing. Therefore, I think that when examining our own personalities, we should focus on our own attachment processes.
In addition to attachment processes, I would like to talk more about the point of reflecting emotions. hear What we call reflection means noticing the emotion you experience and the emotion experienced by the other person and being able to express it. You may think that this is very easy to do. However, if you are raised in a culture where expressing emotions is considered very shameful, and if you have never even heard the expression "I love you" from your parents, you cannot easily achieve the skill of expressing emotions. I say skill because we take refuge in the patterns of 'I can't do this, I can't do this, I don't know...' so much that when we try to learn, we fail to realize that this is a skill that can be acquired.
If we touch upon the importance of gender in the process of experiencing and realizing emotions; I think the burden on men is twice as heavy. Again, thinking that our cultural characteristics predominate, I see that men are always idealized as very strong, durable, superior beings who act with logic rather than their emotions. It is as if the image is projected that women should always be the most fragile and emotional, while men should be more cold-blooded and indestructible. So what happens then? We encounter a male character whose emotions have never been touched, who has been told that it is unacceptable when he cries, who has learned to escape by suppressing rather than coping with anger, and who has found the right to possess everything and everyone when he reaches a certain level of power. Because I get together with so many people, I come across this phrase a lot, especially in bilateral relations: “If a girl rejects a boy, the boy will not be upset, but if a boy rejects a girl, then the girl will be upset. Therefore, get the girls' approval first..." I have come across dozens of people using this phrase. This is exactly the point we need to touch on. Considering that men are human too and being sad is a very human emotion; We must teach them that they too can be sad and cry and that this is acceptable. If women, especially mothers raising men, think like this; We can reduce these incidents of violence, mostly committed by men. An individual whose feelings are touched and accepted can understand the other person and behave in accordance with human values.
He can only blame the men who come to the fore with violent incidents. Rather than complaining, we should actually talk more about how we raise our children from an early age. All children, whether boys or girls, need to be raised by learning how to easily recognize their emotions, experience them and cope with them. In order to be parents who can do this, we must first be able to do this ourselves. At this point, our own attachment processes and our relationships with our own parents come into play. We can direct our future by analyzing, accepting and changing our own attachment processes.
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