Although having children remains a rule of norms for the continuation of the lineage, where the family can leave their cultural heritage to future generations, there are some things that you should think about before you want to have a child, both for your child, for you, for your relationship, and for the child's life. It saves money and is important details.
1. Foundation the relationship between you and your spouse
If you foresee that the foundations are solid, welcome the idea of having children. Otherwise, it would be an injustice to the child to put the child in this uncertainty and drag him for this cause in a situation where even you do not know what will happen.
2.The child born to save the marriage
What you will do to save the marriage Children will not save your marriage. You will only make the marriage more complicated and sweep existing problems under the rug. Children are not a "Band-Aid" in marriage. It may become a situation that makes you bleed even more in the future. Realize that you cannot unite with your spouse and family in such a behavioral system.
3. Adapt to the new environment
When you get married, while you are trying to adapt to your home, your bed, and your environment, the child who is not adapted will also adapt. Unfortunately, it is involved in the process and for this reason, the child's physical and spiritual development is unfortunately completed without being taken into consideration and without meeting its needs. Just like a situation left to chance...
4. Make sense of what marriage means
Make sense of what marriage means within yourself. The foundations of marriage for you, your boundaries, what importance it has for you, your future perspective and where you place marriage in your life are very important details. The sooner you make this meaning, you will create a defense against situations that will bother you later and you will get out of that situation unscathed. Remember, while everyone's understanding, expectations and lifestyle of marriage are so different, your own interpretation is very valuable. Because you are the one who lives and knows.
5. Give yourself time
Don't let the pressures from the environment motivate you, let it be your own thoughts and feelings that will motivate you. What is done directly as soon as you get married? The child may seem good at first, but years later you will understand the deep sadness of not being able to experience the value of spending time together.
6.Enjoy your marriage alone with your spouse.
The marriage you will build on the home and foundations you have established yourself. You can't beat the taste. Don't pass the time when you feel your own life, your own decisions, your own preferences in your bones. Slow down! Stop, enjoy this togetherness.
7. Make material and spiritual plans.
Living by chance without planning, without knowing what life will bring, that is, the steps taken without knowing what will happen are like 'being caught in the rain without an umbrella'. is.
8.Make sure you are ready.
Psychologically, physically, lifestyle You need to make a plan by making sure that you are ready as a family, financially and financially. If you are not ready for one of these items I have listed, you will become even more upset about the problems that occur later. Be careful.
9.It May Not Be a Choice
Sometimes having children may not be a reason for choice. You and your spouse have the say here. Remember, you are living this life.
10.Internalization
The point is not to make the child, but to take care of him and make him feel that he is with him as a parent. When we look at the children of uncaring parents, we see them running away from their families at the first opportunity. Internalize, protect, look after and care about their needs. If you don't care, he will walk away from you and follow his own path. You can read my article "Being a Complete Parent" about this.
To all the children we internalize…
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