Have you ever felt that the more you try to eliminate your child's unhappy feelings, the more difficult things become?
Parents resort to many methods when their children are unhappy, helpless or hopeless. Giving advice, offering them instant solutions, removing them from the situation, ignoring them, denying them, distracting them, etc. And when none of it works, the issue probably ends with an argument and tension between parent and child.
It is always easier to understand positive emotions and empathize through positive emotions. I think the main reason for this is that most parents grow up denying their negative emotions when they are young.
On the other hand, we expect children to gain experience in dealing with their own problems and develop their skills in finding appropriate solutions to the situation.
In fact, the child internally wants to do this too. That's why children do not need advice or to be understood by asking questions about anger, resentment, disappointment, in fact, all emotions. Giving advice and asking questions are some of the ways we adults communicate.
However, even as adults, the last thing we want to hear when we are sad or angry is advice. The questions asked make us feel defensive, and glossing over or oversimplifying our feelings makes us feel misunderstood. In fact, the only thing we expect is to share and feel understood.
When we look at it from the children's perspective, it is actually similar, feeling not understood causes them to get angry at their parents. Children also need adults who understand them and accept their feelings.
The more you accept their negative emotions, the easier it is for children to make sense of these emotions and cope with them.
Just by trying to understand and making them feel this, without giving advice, you will be surprised how children find their own solutions to the problems they experience and how they want to cooperate with you.
Read: 0
