Everyone experiences that men's and women's brains work differently at many stages of their lives. This is not a new idea! However, I wanted to examine this subject here once again.
According to Mark Gungor, the male brain is made of boxes. Everything has a box; car box, money box, job box, girlfriend's, wife's box, children's box… No boxes touch each other. If there is a problem about a box, only go to that box. The box is opened and only the contents of that box are spoken, thought, discussed and closed. And the box is placed in that particular place in the brain without touching any other box again.
The female brain, on the other hand, is much different; everything is connected with each other. Money is with a car, with a car, with a business mother… Everything is connected with everything… All this works with a very important energy; with emotions.
Men have a box, which is the most important box in their lives, and this box is absent in women; “The Nothing Box”.
If possible, they would spend all their time there. Men hang out for hours as if they were brain dead. Like fishing and watching TV... They can stay like that for hours, doing nothing.
Women never stop, they never understand this "Void Box" in men, and they can never enter the "Nothing Box" in their own lives. This drives them crazy; because one of the most powerful things that drives a woman crazy is when a man doesn't react at all, does nothing.
The behavior of men and women after facing a stress is also completely different.
When men face stress what they do is escape into the "Void Box". They become silent and leave the environment. What they never want to do is “talk about it”. They never want to talk, they just want to stand still. Women, on the other hand, talk, react emotionally and seek closeness when they encounter a stressful situation. That's why, after an argument or when they realize that men are under stress, they think that men also need to talk, they sneak up on them and say, "What do you think about this? you are thinking?" they ask.
"Nothing."
"But you have to think of something."
"I'm not thinking about anything."
But the woman has to talk. If he doesn't talk, his brain will literally explode. Women are very prone to exaggerate thinking and reacting exaggerated in a stress situation.
According to Cem Keçe and all other relationship therapists, the only way to solve problems in relationships is to know the differences between men and women
. strong> If the man and woman cannot interpret the behavior of the other party in the moment of stress, both parties may have the wrong idea that their relationship is getting worse and they are no longer loved.Because they love each other, they have to find a solution for each other. Since the man loves the woman, he allows the woman to speak; by turning off her brain, pretending to listen… The woman, on the other hand, insists that the man talk to her in case of stress because she loves him. He nags at his head. She asks how she is, how she is feeling, what is the problem. However, the man "does not die" because he does not speak. His brain doesn't work like that. Leaving a man alone in stressful situations is the best solution.
Fight or flight is a natural instinct in everyone. In a situation of danger or stress, the person automatically considers the benefits of fighting or fleeing and makes an appropriate move. A man uses the "escape" response in a stressful situation and stays silent and moves away from the environment. Watching TV, playing sports, playing computer, etc. In fact, if the stress has become chronic, she may use alcohol or drugs.
“A woman, on the other hand, speaks more and thinks exaggeratedly in case of stress. He prefers to spend time with his partner, friends or family, eats more. She feels the need to talk, get support, or ask what to do. This is because she focuses on activities that require compassion and attention, such as taking care of herself and her child, in order to reduce stress and protect herself.”
Women experience mental problems such as depression, eating and sleeping disorders during stressful periods. Since she does not know the difference between him and a man, she takes the distance of the man personally and thinks that she is unloved. The woman knows the man as well as herself: For a woman, staying silent and leaving the environment is “only a sign of great resentment, lack of love and indifference.” That's why he ignores the problems that cause him stress, automatically shuts himself down, acts as if everything is fine, "pretends", completely resists all efforts to help him."
Male during discussion begins to grumble. This grunt scares and drives her away. “Actually, this is also the secret wish of the man.”
“Woman expands because she is SE-centered, always gives herself, makes sacrifices, and since she perceives the man as herself, she will be more and more giving and in return for what she receives. He assumes that he will give more. But that's not how things work, they can't work; because men are self-centered.”
Women should express their wishes clearly, without implying. The man grumbles at these requests, but fulfills them. The woman should understand that this is not a bad thing. “So, it is enough to ask a man for something and keep silent.”
“Instead of understanding the man's desire to stay alone and solve his problem silently, a woman feels abandoned and assumes that she has been unfairly punished with abandonment. She perceives the man's introversion as a threat and is afraid. She does not leave the man alone, goes after him, asks questions about what is going on. "We're not done talking yet, where are you going?" She wants to continue the communication by saying. Because, in the "womanly language", a woman becomes withdrawn and silent only when she gives up on the man completely, with a conscious decision. In addition, it takes a long time for the woman who is silent and gone, to come back again. For this reason, the woman is afraid that the man will keep silent and walk away.”
“The only thing a man has to do to eliminate all these disagreements is when he feels the need to be alone; “I need some time alone and to think. I love you very much. I'll be back in an hour, don't worry. A lonely and thinking man manages to control and leave his stress behind, realizes he is overreacting, mistaking things for things. He thinks that he is looking from the outside, he relaxes and relaxes.”
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