In Couples Therapy and Family Counseling sessions, we often encounter revolts from partners trying to change each other. While the partner who wants to change is tired and despairing, the partner who is trying to change often feels angry and lonely. He thinks it will get better quickly. However, the situation is much more complex.
Partners can neither change each other during conflict and criticize, nor is the source of recurring relationship problems related to the characteristics of a single partner.
Unfortunately, the news is not very good if you want the behaviors that you don't like in your lover to disappear for whatever reason and you are making a persistent effort to do so. Constantly telling your partner to change, criticizing and blaming him often for not changing will never work because change is a highly personal thing and the person needs some positive motivation to change their behavior. Undoubtedly, repeated criticism of partners towards each other is not a motivating force for either party.
So what's the solution? Can you change each other?
There is a much simpler way to prepare the ground for change than you might imagine: making sure your partner is sure that you will love them no matter what. Studies show us that people find the strength and desire to change only when they are accepted for who they are.
The change process is a positive cycle in which you move forward with your partner. As you learn to express your feelings about your love and your needs about the parts you want to change in a positive way to your partner, he or she will understand you better and will start to change. Of course, there is no guarantee of this process, but you can be sure that it will contribute much more than other methods where you have conflict or end up building a wall.
I wish you a healthy and peaceful relationship.
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