Divorce is undoubtedly one of the most traumatic events that can happen to children, and it brings with it a series of changes that will seriously affect their development.
The relationship with their parents is very important for every child, especially in the first years of his life. . Parents' divorce is undoubtedly a very difficult and stressful process for both children and parents. If we think about it from the child's perspective, he will no longer be able to reach equally the two people to whom he is most attached, namely his mother and father, and his world will be divided in a sense.
Reactions similar to the reactions of spouses after the divorce are also seen in children. The stages of these reactions seen in children are listed as follows.
1. Not accepting and denying the divorce
2. Feeling angry at the reasons that caused the divorce
3. Making an effort to reunite the parents
4. Having depression and depression
5. Accepting the divorce situation. strong>
As children go through these stages, they may experience many complex and intense emotions at the same time. These include sadness, anxiety, anger, resentment, fear and guilt. In addition, children enter a stressful period after divorce; As a result, it has been observed that they show developmental, emotional and behavioral retardation.
When the effects of divorce are looked at from the child's perspective; Three basic problems arise:
The first of these is the effects of divorce on the child's daily life. The richness of the child's environment and the quality of his/her relationship with his/her parents affect the child's upbringing. The child's family environment may face significant changes as a result of divorce, and the child's relationship with his or her parents may deteriorate. Since the child focuses on family problems in his inner world, he may experience concentration problems, and this may cause a decline in school success. The effects of these changes should be considered when evaluating the child.
Second problem; It depends on how old the child is during the divorce process. The negative effects of the divorce process that occurs in the preschool period and adolescence may be greater than in other age groups. Because developmental During the process, preschool and adolescence are the periods when egocentrism is at its highest. Due to the developmental characteristics experienced in these periods, the child may look for the reason for the divorce in himself and may be more affected by his parents' divorce.
The third problem is; In case of divorce, who will stay with the child, and the decision regarding custody will directly shape the effects of the divorce on the child.
It is seen that children experience many emotional and sometimes psychological problems due to being separated from their mother or father. Grumpiness, feeling lonely, incompatibility, irritability, not belonging somewhere, aggression, and delay in social development are some of these.
Divorce is seen as a process that is difficult for children to accept and is often an embarrassing process for pre-school children. Children experience different emotions during this process, and the child may firstly tend to reject the reality of the divorce and act as if the divorce never happened.
By identifying the reasons for the divorce, the child may develop anger and resentment against these reasons, and then the child plays the role of a mediator between the divorced spouses. He may show attempts to express his desire to return to the days when they were together. If this desire is not met, the child may experience depression. The last part of this process is the child's acceptance of the reality of divorce and its consequences. At this stage, the child relaxes emotionally and enters into a more comfortable interaction and communication process with his parents. After divorce, not every child goes through these stages in the same order and may not reach the final stage, acceptance. They may remain in one of these stages. Sometimes there may be flashbacks at these stages. It should be noted that these are all normal situations. Or not every child may experience every stage. As it is known, every child is unique and because of these characteristics, their experiences are different from each other.
The effects of children on divorce vary depending on gender. The age at which girls are most affected is shown to be around five or six years of age. During this mourning period, the daughter's excessive attachment to the father and the father's departure from home due to divorce affect the child in many psychological ways. causes problems. The age at which a boy is most affected by divorce occurs during adolescence. Since this is a period in which the child needs to identify with his father and increase his sharing, the separation of the father and the child during this period affects the boy in negative ways.
Girls and boys may react to the separation of their parents in the following ways:
• Sleep disorders in the child,
• Night fears,
• Napping during the day and night,
• Overeating and loss of appetite,
• Stuttering of psychological origin,
br /> • Nail biting,
• Stiffness in speech,
• Introversion,
• Denial of separation,
• Destructiveness and aggression,
• Resistance to school,
/> • Difficulty in paying attention,
• Crying and tantrums,
• Decrease in school performance,
• Lying,
• Psycho-somatic disorders (head and abdominal pains, stomach aches). It seems that age and gender play an important role in the effects of divorce on children. It can be thought that the characteristics of the current developmental period may also have a determining effect on the grief-related effects of divorce. In the preschool period, children cannot fully understand the phenomenon of divorce. They may blame themselves for the divorce and feel guilty. Especially young children equate divorce with losing their father. Children who do not receive attention and love from their fathers develop feelings of insecurity, loss of self-esteem and abandonment.
Social awareness and awareness of their own characteristics increase significantly in school age, and children in this age group, if they are with their mothers, are with their fathers. Problems such as feeling sad because they cannot be together, blaming their parents, disobedience, introversion, wetting the bed, failing their classes, and being jealous of their friends may be observed. At the same time, symptoms such as feeling of worthlessness, depression, fear, anxiety, anger towards parents, aggressive behavior, social avoidance, insecurity, hypersensitivity, headache and abdominal pain, vomiting are observed. It becomes difficult for them to focus on a subject at school, and they may use their family situation to gain more attention at school. Conflict your anger They can direct it to their teachers and friends. To counter the feeling of powerlessness they experience regarding the divorce, they may engage in a power struggle with their environment and act accusingly towards their parents. Children in this age group can use the defense mechanisms of "rejection" and "reaction" to get rid of these negative emotions. At the same time, these children may try to reunite their parents.
While boys directly reflect the negative emotions they experience to their environment; It has been observed that girls reflect their feelings of anger more implicitly. In addition, since divorce usually results in the father leaving the house, it is stated that this event, which creates a lack of gender-appropriate models, negatively affects the adjustment of boys, and they show more negative behaviors, including symptoms such as depression, opposition and impulsive behavior.
Children of divorced parents experience more social, academic and behavioral problems than children whose parents are not divorced. However, the factors that cause these negative effects are not just divorce; It can be said that it has a decisive impact on their lives before and after the divorce. In addition, it can be thought that the developmental characteristics and needs specific to that period play a certain role in the effects of divorce in different developmental periods.
Although attempts are made to explain the effects of divorce on children, it seems that it is not possible to make generalizations about the effects of divorce. Because every divorce case is unique, complex and multifaceted. In this process, it is extremely useful to receive psychological support to reveal the child's emotions.
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