Let's take a look at the stages that clients go through to have a productive therapy process. I can say very clearly; There are stages for the person who decides to get support to transform this decision into an internalized decision.
The first stage; Being able to say I need support
Second stage; deciding that I want to get support
Third stage; To take action and make an appointment
Fourth stage; Arriving at an appointment without postponing, giving up or canceling the appointment.
We are not aware of the process up to this point. Sometimes, they even come to us after making an appointment and after a few postponements or giving up, when the problem reaches unbearable dimensions.
The biggest resistance that awaits us when the client comes to the appointment is the answer to why the person is there. I am very unhappy because……the sentence in which the person fills this gap actually shows us where he is at in terms of healing. Because the answer usually given is this. I am very unhappy because they treated me unfairly, they upset me, they were bad people, I am the victim, others are responsible for what happened to me. So in summary; They made me sick, you heal me too!! The reason why I was sick or unhappy was an outside source, and the cure is also an outside source!!! As long as we do not take responsibility for the situation we are in, do not use our own internal resources to solve this problem, and attribute the responsibility to external factors, we are handing over something else along with the responsibility. “POWER”.
People living in the world have common problems. There is no person with a completely different problem that no one else has experienced. However, while one person may be upset in a similar situation, another person may recover very quickly in a much more severe situation. The main difference here is the way people interpret the source of the situation they experience. If we call the first group the Depression Prone Group, their perspectives are as follows; I am unhappy because; My husband was bad, my father was bad, my boss was bad, the market was bad... That's why I'm in this situation, they interpret. So the arrows always point outside. In that situation, the person is completely passive, in the role of victim. However, since the problem is outside, the solution always remains outside. Depression was given to the second group. Let's call it the Non-Tending Group. These people also blame external factors at first, but then they do something else. They turn the arrows back to themselves; Yes, he was a bad person, but I brought him into my life, I didn't say no when I should have, I couldn't maintain my boundaries, etc. So they start to take responsibility for the situation. They can switch from passive to active regarding the problem they are experiencing. Now they have things to do, and when they have things to do, they don't get depressed, and even if they do, they can recover easily. Because they get out of the victim role, they can gain control over their lives. A person who is not prone to depression is not a person who does not get depressed. When he is in a depressive mode, he retreats, gathers energy, shakes himself up and takes action to get rid of the situation.
As a result, if we go back to the decision stages we mentioned at the beginning, which are internalized in order to heal; The fifth stage is to step out of the victim role and be ready to take responsibility for the situation.
So no one can make anyone sick! Cancer cannot, it cannot take away the joy of living. At the same time, someone else cannot heal us and create a magic wand effect if we do not make an effort.
Our new sentence; My decisions and behaviors in my past life made me unhappy, I choose to change them and be happy, and I am determined to take responsibility and make an effort for this.
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