From far away roads
I ran to your arms
With the longing burning inside me
I kept looking at your ways
Being without you is like DEATH...
Nilüfer' Let's take a closer look at the lyrics of this song, which is one of my very old songs and one of my favorite songs: He reflects in his verses that he loves, and that the absence of this love is felt like a death...
Those who fell into abandonment depression after the love stories that ended and were left unfinished recently, that life is meaningless, that they are in a great emptiness, that they do not even want to live, etc. I received many e-mails to explain the pain of separation, such as. That's why I felt responsible for writing this article.
Human is a being that needs to be loved, appreciated, felt special, touched and shared by others. Of course, it is very sad to break up with someone with whom you felt like a whole and with whom you planned your future. Of course it is difficult. However, it is not normal to feel separation as intense as death, to create a huge void, and to feel emotions such as life stopping. What would you think if I told you that all of this is not about today's lover or "the one who left"? Then the baby is born and this balance is disrupted. Even the first time he takes a breath and begins to use his lungs causes great pain to the child. Then, he needs a caregiver (mother, caregiver, grandmother, father) to meet his physical and emotional needs. The baby, which initially existed in a symbiotic (intertwined) relationship, progresses through a developmental period in which it gradually realizes that it is an independent entity from the mother and moves towards separation. During this period, while the child is exploring the world, he engages in behaviors aimed at satisfying his curiosity with great enthusiasm. During this period of self-actualization, the mother or caregiver may prevent this discovery by being overprotective or controlling. It leaves its mark on the child's personality and his efforts to create the child as he imagines.
During this period, the child has to put an end to his enthusiasm for the world, such as discovering new things and making decisions on his own, because his mother does not approve. He cannot give up his mother's love, because this love is like fuel, oxygen for the child... The child has to give up his true self because the absence of his mother will create feelings such as depression, fear, anger, guilt, helplessness and emptiness.
In this developmental period. Individuals who are stuck in separation (separation-individuation) experience separation very severely in their adult relationships.
This emotional relationship we establish with mother and father manifests itself in the love relationship in adulthood.
Adults in this situation take a number of steps to endure the pain of separation. develops defenses. Eating, shopping, increased alcohol and substance use, doing dangerous work, etc. Sometimes they find someone very similar to their old relationship cycle and somehow soothe the pain. He thinks he is truly in love, gets excited again, gets attached again. Most of the time, it is abandoned again, just like in the previous relationship. Then "Do people always have to find me like this?" He rebels and resorts to costly ways to deal with this feeling again, and so on... Especially during the separation period, a therapist is consulted. If he has the strength and determination to move towards his true self during this period, the separation and individualization experienced in childhood can be restructured and healthy emotional relationships can be established. .
To the days when you can love and feel with your true self...
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